Brett

I'm the worst.

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

The CDC said you don't have to pay those parking tickets because the City of Portland already taxed your Stimulus check as "income".

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Dear @hulu please stop playing Saved By The Bell after every episode of Superstore. Every character on that show can eat shit and die.

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

I get up at the ass crack of dawn on my day off to sell a car at the convenience of the buyer. Then I get a flake-out text from buyer as I'm walking out the door. #WastingMyFuckingTime #BackToBed

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

PSA to all generations preceding Millennials: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO YELL INTO THE PHONE FOR THE OTHER END TO HEAR YOU. If they cannot h

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

ear you, they will tell you. Thank you for your time.

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

@M0liday @lizzo Wait, do extrapolate plz

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

I just peed in a cup, wish me luck!! 😎🤞🏼

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

It's a bit concerning millennials don't seem to know how to end a phone call with a stranger... #DontBeFuckingWeird

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Should I make this account private? #Probably

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

I'm sitting here cracking up at my life because I'm literally out here just wingin' it. #ImFuckedUpOnEdiblesByMyself

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Shout out to the cashier that assumed I "must model or play sports" while I'm buying Cold & Flu meds, my nose is red as Rudolf on Christmas Eve and my face feeling like it's melting off. #IDoLoveComplimentsThough

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Holy hell I forgot about Twitter for a hot minute.

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

@M0liday @aaroncarter @wiiildthoughtss Ahahaha Molly stop being such a trashbag human being 😂🤣😂🤣 JKJKLMNOP

[前澤友作 @yousuck2020]

ZOZOTOWN新春セールが史上最速で取扱高100億円を先ほど突破！！日頃の感謝を込め、僕個人から100名様に100万円【総額1億円のお年玉】を現金でプレゼントします。応募方法は、僕をフォローいただいた上、このツイートをRTするだけ。受付は1/7まで。当選者には僕から直接DMします！ #月に行くならお年玉

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Wow, there is nothing like an excellent dream with all your friends, which sends you immediately into a dark depression upon waking. I miss my friends, happiness is fleeting, the world is black. #DearDiary

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

@Starbucks @noahrusnock Just your local Starbucks barista here, wondering the point of offering a 50¢ discount in the drive thru while we have to prepare the drink ahead of the window using a paper cup? #AskingForAFriend

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

This pizza looks delicious. *Hey Google, play Gorgeous by Taylor Swift* #TrueStory #CheckMyInstagramStory #OrDont #IDontGiveADuck

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

HEY! Check out my Instagram Story for a chance to make me kill myself. #VotingIsNowOpen #SliceOrSlice

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

I'm tittering from my new Google Pixel 2 and in case you were wondering; its døpe.

[Brett @HashtagBrettW]

Guyz, no one can ever love me the way EYE do. Check my Insta story; shit's 🤙 #Lit 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😎