Apex Bean

Whatever forever. He/Him

[Zac Mabry @ZacMabry]

kinda wish I was one of elons kids so I’d never see him again

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

"overnight oats" "gig economy" "tiny home" you are a peasant who eats gruel

[love @lovefrisell]

uppriktig fråga: om halvautomatvapen förbjuds, hur ska jag då döda de 30–50 vildsvinen som springer in på min gård där mina småbarn leker på 3–5 minuter?

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[on a first date]
me: so yeah that’s why I don’t have a bank account

her, referring to the man sitting directly behind me: ..uh who is that?

me: oh that’s David, he’s my second. He’s here in case I’m unable to finish this date for whatever reason like if I die

[Jake Hanrahan @Jake_Hanrahan]

Another world still exists. Don’t be so angry.

[Trillekingen @trillekingen]

[katterna busar, jamar och knorrar och gör olika kattläten åt grejer] *skakar på huvudet* i SVERIGE pratar vi SVENSKA!

[Ϩ𝓳ⲁ𐌵ⲉꞅ @HenrikFrenrik]

Yo du må våkne konservative har blitt pinterest jenter

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

10. Cover your face with your hands and pretend you’ve disappeared, then suddenly remove your hands, followed by something like “peekaboo!”

This will make her laugh as well as giving yourself a mystique “how did he do that” she will be thinking.

[efe @franasmagoria]

la mayonesa es la reverb de los sándwiches

[Nate @thenatewolf]

Started calling the middle of a loaf of bread “the king’s bread” and saying things like “a cheddar this fine demands the king’s bread!”

This is just one of the many ways I have scraped joy out of a cold and unaccountable universe.

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Woke up tiny again.. [slings tiny bag over my shoulder, grabs tiny spear] just my luck… [uses tiny zip line from my bed to the floor]

[mel @melilbi]

me link hopping on wikipedia for an hour every night before bed

[furby hancock @furby_hancock]

and yet infinitely many shakespeares on infinitely many typewriters could never capture the immediacy and animal vitality of a single monkey

[sugarplum @proseluvr]

if we were two sunflowers I would've faced you instead of the sun bro

[Madoc Cairns @MadocCairns]

havin a beaker of wheat beer w/ my clade in 7300BC: SICK of hearing about Sky Father. ill keep worshipin the earth cheers

when a passing indo-european asks me if I've heard of Sky Father: indeed sir. big fan. im always sayin we need a more complex mythology sir. nice chariot btw

[Bertils Memekök @BertilsMemekok]

From the sea to the sea

[Keara Sullivan @superkeara]

“Would you ever delete social media?”Hmm. Would a jester ever flee his court? Or would he understand the infallible truth that a jest, when spoken to a court of none, becomes a tragedy?