Sandy Healey

Master of disaster

[CoCo @unhingebinge]

We're going to need a bigger stick of sage.

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

I have an idea for a new TV show. It’s about an English professor that travels through time correcting everyone’s grammar.

It’s called, "Dr. Whom".

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Love being cozy

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

I bought a robe.
I never owned a robe.
I may never leave home again.

[Rydercc64 🖤Never show fear🖤 @rydercc64]

She wins 🏆 the internet for tonight!

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

The midterms have shown me just how many politicians have my phone number, yet none of them ever hit me up to see if I wanna go to Top Golf

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

A lady at the gym asked me why I was just sitting still on a stationary bike.

Ma'am, I'm going downhill. Worry about yourself!

[Jared Carrabis @Jared_Carrabis]

So fucking happy for Milwaukee Brewers fans tonight. One of the best baseball fan bases in the world. You guys deserve this so much.

[Paul Rudnick @PaulRudnickNY]

I sent my child to school and she came home identifying as a lawyer in China

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Shameful

[Don Winslow @donwinslow]

Watching America sell out Ukraine is abhorrent.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Lucky bastid

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I'm in my late 40s and retired - no kids, big tech jobs with a few big payoffs, so have long since paid the mortgage and have easily enough to live comfortably. But I can't face telling most of my friends, who are skint and struggling, so I say I'm freelance consulting.

[NoelCaslerComedy @caslernoel]

Guilfoyle went from ‘I need 100k wired into my AMEX!’ to ‘how much do you think I can get for Don Jr’s d*ck pics?’ in less than three Scaramucci’s.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Break a leg

[Mark @princebusters]

Well that’s my youngest son about to board his cruise ship down here in Southampton to start his professional career as an entertainment dancer, go smash it son & we’ll see you next May! ❤️🤍💙
A 9.5hr train journey now awaits me to get home! 😖

[🇺🇲 California Independent 🇺🇲 @PismoBeach805]

Shout out to President Trump for having the courage to hire a Press Secretary with a learning disability.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Hey! Boston

[Anita @Osmanjcx0]

Let's watch as his heartfelt message spreads its warmth across the globe."❤✨

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Fun fact

[Jon Carroll @JonCarroll03]

If Milwaukee and Cleveland meet in the World Series, it would be the first time in history that the World Series features two cities where the Edmund Fitzgerald once docked.

In case you were wondering.

[Neil Stone @DrNeilStone]

"Do your own research," they said.

So I did

28 years, a medical degree, a PhD, and three postgraduate diplomas in infectious diseases later, I conclude that vaccines save millions of lives and do not cause autism.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

We're all going to die

[John Simpson @JohnSimpsonNews]

The new White House press secretary, Katie Zacharia, claims the abortion pill contains the same chemicals used in Nazi extermination camps. Fact: Mifepristone was developed in 1980 in France. It doesn’t share a single chemical component with any of the Nazis’ chemicals or gases.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Pretty big

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

BREAKING

Pete Hegseth announced a plan to livestream his next colonoscopy. According to Hegseth, the public deserves to know just how big of an asshole he really is.

[Sandy Healey @HealeySandy]

Omg 🤣🤣🤣

[Frank Mitman @frankdpi]

Donald Trump could give Putin a blow job on Fox News and every Republican Representative would praise his technique and his diplomacy.