Jessica Fox

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

The universe is born. 13.8 billion years pass. 200 billion trillion stars are born. A band of murderous monkeys on a rock circling one of these stars says, “We must be the reason for all this.” Shortly after, the monkeys blow themselves up.

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@SSportscast hey, if your wife is into you publicly ogling other women, you guys enjoy that

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@SSportscast it’s just disrespectful, man

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@RealMimino very sweet, thank you 🥹

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@bdjansenphd Agree but I have had more flights cancelled in Chicago due to weather than I can count

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@dorsalstream I made a typo because my brain was woooowoooweeeewooooing too hard

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@dorsalstream It’d actually very easy. It’s when the brain goes woooowoooweeeeewoooo

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@JasonKPargin I didn’t realize until now that my bellybutton feels like a Forbidden Zone, but I plumbed the depths and it did not feel good

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@UnwinderH Maybe I’ll just switch to looking at bugs instead of reading

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

I bought a new book and started a bubble bath and was so excited, and 5 pages in, I shut the book and went, “Ah, well, never mind.”

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@UnwinderH Yeah, I really liked A Short History of Nearly Everything but I’m getting down about how every time I read a book lately, there’s something weird about women in it. Even topics that you’d think they couldn’t manage it, like physics or philosophy or neuroscience, it’s incredible

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@urwalder I had read A Short History of Nearly Everything and he managed not to mention utterly delectable teenagers in it so I thought this would be smooth sailing

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@AnthonyLaFauci @reachfh The guy just said, hey, maybe this would explain her reaction, and said nothing negative about you, and you can’t handle hearing another perspective? Geez.

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

British people make snacks sound so delicious. Do I want a packet of crisps? A PACKET of CRISPS? Incredible. Mouth-watering. Yes, please, a packet of crisps sounds life-changing. Oh, it’s just a bag of chips.

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@urwalder 🤣🤣🤣

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

The phrase, “That’s a common misconception” is supposed to make you feel better but what I hear is, “Not only are you wrong but you are wrong in the most plebeian and unpoetic way possible. You are, to me, confirmation of materialism and the lack of a human soul.”

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@JonBurk5 It’s happening again

[Jessica Fox @HelloJessicaFox]

@alexlumaga Yeah, I want to be so wrong it makes people SICK

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

My favorite ancient artifact is 2000 year old graffiti from Roman tourists complaining that Egyptian tombs are boring and they should have vacationed somewhere else

[Michael Spicer @MrMichaelSpicer]

no one:

dads in restaurants on holiday: