Hesus

What Hesus Says

[Hesus @HesusSays]

They call me the cum-slinger I’m the baddest in this Wild Mild West #FreeshAvacaDoo #TowMater #TheGreyChickFromCarsCanLeakOilOnMyTaint

[Hesus @HesusSays]

I had a regular cock today for the first time in a while since I usually have diet cock, shit is so sugassry. #miniCan #itsNowBeenThreeMonthsSinceSexGAWDdamn

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Repuhtaintion

[Hesus @HesusSays]

There isn’t a single shaft in Minecraft that’s worth taking up the bum. Why even play at that point? Are we living in the Twinklight zone? #minecraftORmeinkampf #TwinkyTwinkyLittleStar

[Hesus @HesusSays]

I shoot beam slop from my green-fagtern ring, like I’m sum kinda asshole. I shout from the roof(tops-like the gay boys) that someone needs to silence the pistol before someone’s eyes hurt. Too many people on this planet it need “protectring” (how a asian would say protecting)

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Scratchy scratchy. Itchy itchy. Porky porky. Chinese Changy. No touching the kids they say, but caressing the animals is a-okay? Who’s jester the molester in which these rules are created? Human touch cums in clutch. #ButMomIWannaTouch #AssUpWaistDown #BooTea

[Hesus @HesusSays]

I am the whistleblower in the sense I blow my colleagues whistles while they takin they 45 min break. I leave residue. I’m known as the “crouch goblin” in the bathrooms since they walk in and I’m crouching waiting for the sauce. #SecretMenu #MayonaisseOrCum #CrouchGoblin

[Hesus @HesusSays]

You took too long to phone home, call me E.T. I get hard when it’s cold, call me TIT-TY. Imma be in and out like a nip slip, with my tip tip. #PimplePooper #HardNipsSoftTits #DevelopedTitsAt40

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Say goodbye to Hell. Say Hell-o to Heaven. Say G’day mate to Israel. Say something I’m giving up on you. “Saé Hasta La Visa to Home” - some guy during Hiroshima probably.

[Hesus @HesusSays]

I ejaculated to the president this morning.

Whi(Ch) one m(A) you t(R)y and (LI)k(E) to guess? (K)now who it (I)s? T(R)y or be (K)illed!

You guessed it! Charlie Brown. That neck-poppin, pyro stoppin, showstopper of a man with the weird ass dog Spoopy.

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Dear Spirit Halloween employees, please stop putting things up my ass. This is the third time I’ve had to make this call and on the fourth I’m calling Corporate. All I ask is that you #gangnamstyle on my #badonkadonk if you’re gonna do it.

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Biggie biggie biggie, can’t you see, sometimes that fat ass be hypnotizing me

[Hesus @HesusSays]

Do the Chinese accent. Yuwa shuld aways brusha yowa teetha afta yew eata guud fude. Good CHINESE food that is! #AnalEater #DemChineseFolk

[Hesus @HesusSays]

There’s no one bettah that’s wettah, I be squirtin n squirmin n squealin when she’s pettah on my trombonah. I have an STD. #plurp

[Hesus @HesusSays]

AI data centers? Only AI I wanna date-a is Cybertitty. You ever seen those Transformers movies with that Megan Foxxy? (F.N.A.F.) She finger lickin gude. Momma said no more PDQ from dumpys. #rackattack #milehighclub #Ihavenothadsexin2monthsGAWDhelpME