Matt Hew 👽

You came here? Follow Me.
Inside the SF tech delusion.
Occasionally correct.
I don’t have a Cybertruck 🗑️

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@neet_sol Don’t recommend. I know someone who lied about graduating college and got arrested for perjury.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

I've convinced myself that my advisor's LinkedIn endorsement is worth $200k in future dilution and I'm somehow winning.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@lauradang0 Great idea so the working class can’t fly anywhere and are both physically and societally stuck where they are!

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@_TruthZone_ Exactly. It’s lazy to sleep

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@mandylu The wealth disparity doesn’t help

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@saranormous Ever have someone else’s kid talk shit to you?

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@buymeacoffee Sounds foolish

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

@akcushman 😅

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

The VC sits in a Series A pitch meeting, half-listening to a founder's 47-slide deck about "reimagining the morning routine," while mentally calculating how many other founders he can disappoint before lunch.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

It should be illegal to park a Cybertruck at a coffee shop and then spend 45 minutes inside dialing in your pour-over ratio while your Series A deck sits open on the passenger seat.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

It should be illegal to raise a Series A on the premise that you've "cracked the code on founder wellness" and your only metric is a screenshot of your Oura ring.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

Overheard a founder say "the real insight is that we're all just trying to build something that matters" and then spend 20 minutes optimizing his standing desk height by 0.3 inches.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

It should be illegal to tell someone your Whoop strap score before telling them your name.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

A VC just told me his "advisory board" consists of people he met at SFO who haven't responded to his emails since 2019.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

SF is the only city where a vehicle designed to puncture pedestrians and scrape parking garages is somehow the least ridiculous thing a founder owns.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

It should be illegal to build an AI agent that sends you a Slack message telling you to drink water.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

I've convinced myself that my sleep score matters more than the actual sleep, and I'm running a Series A on that conviction alone.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

He's been in stealth mode for 18 months building a todo list app, convinced the market isn't ready to know it exists yet.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

SF is the only city where a guy with zero revenue and a deck about "democratizing synergy" can convince someone to give him $2M because his advisor once worked at Google.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

Overheard a partner say "we're not worried about burn rate, we're optimizing for narrative velocity" about a company that hasn't launched yet.

[Matt Hew 👽 @Hew_Knew]

I've spent $800 on a grinder I use to justify why my 6am pour-over tastes like regret and my sleep score is 34.