oolong johnson

high-quality content made for me, by me

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

6922

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

the nazis kinda set themselves up for an eternity of being the default bad guys with those outfits

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

women love acting out

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

nothin quite like tossing around the old foreskin

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

what’s the point of being huge if you can’t live with your mother

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

told my girl to cool it on the horseshit

don’t wanna hear it

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

what an incredible fuckup @StreamOnMax is

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

too slutty to be a souvlaki, must be a marlin

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

if you see a pill on the ground i’ll try it for you

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

daniel day lewis: ah well if it isn’t my arch nemesis nigel night wilson

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

cop: *pulls me over* pronouns and registration please

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

yes, we’re the shimps

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

this is my son, clark shimp

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

breaking up with someone by saying:

“it has recently come to my attention that i’m too good for you”

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

put my baby in zero g

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

Imagine being the caveman going up to his boys and being like

“yo this shit fire”

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

i am trying to CURE people @elonmusk

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

algorithm is making me invisible when i am trying to HEAL people with my tweets

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

I’m not in denial, I’m in

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

man releases #1 song of the year on january 1st at 12:01am

[oolong johnson @HeyTBM]

i love little dudes with highly expressive arms