Heyluh.

[Megan Salmon-Ferrari @MegSalmonF]

“What did your first heartbreak teach you?” That a boy can cry, have a whole mental breakdown in front of you and he will still be lying!🤦🏽‍♀️

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Nothing bad will happen to you just because it's Friday The 13th. That's irrational, superstitious nonsense. And anyway, Jesus would save you.
Have a great day.

[Antonia @Flaminhaystack]

If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything

Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test = Maybe Baby
Bra =Breastie Nestie
Fork= Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

[Heyluh. @Heyluh19]

@Joseph_Montrose @ashleyljames Have you never seen the film!? 😱

[Heyluh. @Heyluh19]

@_BrianaDejesus These are so annoying, why doesn’t it take me to that storyyyyy 😫😫😫

[Megan Salmon-Ferrari @MegSalmonF]

I’ve fed mouths that have talked bad about me. I’ve wiped tears from faces that have caused mine. I’ve picked people up that have knocked me down. I’ve been there for people that haven’t been there for me, but I will NOT lose myself in the hatred of others. I’ll be here being me

[Leah D. Messer @LeahMesser]

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk. 🙈😂

[B. @Ticklemelili]

So I’m @ the bank waiting in line & the guy in front of me is spitting game to the teller, she’s laughing & he’s attractive so I can tell she’s digging it, he asks her if he can take her out and she says “with what? The whole $11.96 you got in your account?” SON, my chest 😭

[Von @5iVEPESOz]

China is panicking bc they aborting female fetuses for over 30 years. Now there is a shortage of women so men who are poor are not being chosen bc the women are only picking the wealthy. This is hilarious https://t.co/v393cjOgu1

[Russell Howard @russellhoward]

My dog Archie has gone missing around the Camden/Primrose Hill area. If you see him tweet me and I'll get in contact. Please RT.

[Kailyn Lowry @KailLowry]

I love when my kids tell me my car is a mess. Like thanks guys, maybe stop dropping all your food and crumbs on the floor

[Harold Hilton Jr. @HaroldHilton22]

i didn’t record my mans getting beat but here is part 2

[Harold Hilton Jr. @HaroldHilton22]

just watch 😂

[Ramsin Isaac @Ramsinisaac]

Never have been a fan of @LewisHamilton but now that he's crumbled after some complained about his video I like him even less. #boysdontwearprincessdresses

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Carrie Fisher once delivered a cow tongue inside a Tiffany box to a predatory Hollywood producer who assaulted her friend. She said, "The next delivery will be something of yours in a much smaller box" should he ever attack another woman again.

[Heyluh. @Heyluh19]

@McInTweet There was no midnight gameshow in some randomers bedroom!? Whyyyyyyyy

[Heyluh. @Heyluh19]

@BobbyCNorris What the f*}% did I just read!? Who even is she!?