High Diaries

Do you ever get too baked and not remember what you were laughing about the morning after? I’ve been writing down our high moments for months

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

June 15, What if your parents named you herb because of some dank weed but everyone thought you were some fuckin loser named Herbert

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

I’m like Jared from subway, a 12 inch in each hand, and a 3 inch in my mouth because he hasn’t hit puberty yet #eatfresh

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Got asked how many people I know that have schizophrenia, I replied “I’ve got at least 8 or 9 people in my head with it too”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Sawdog: “I was looking through dog shampoo and realized, oh shit, that’s my shampoo”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

One of the girls I used to go to school with was already huge and now is pregnant and 🅱️ said “that baby has enough room to have a pool table with elbow room in her stomach”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Us talking about the new galaxy moving towards us, Dong: “we could move there and quit ruining our planet” Devbot: “nah that means we at war with the aliems”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Gold or coal it doesn’t matter, I’m eating ass

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Ground breaking idea: homeless person fight club

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Devbot: “I swear to god, I get abducted by aliens, they better probe me and find my g spot or I’m gonna beat some ass” #itsnotrapeifyoulikeit

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Figured out the key to making the world a better place. We kill the worst 100 people from every town every year. Everyone will strive to be the best person they can be.

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Devbot: “Ban #precum, full nut or no nut” #fnonn

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Billy Goat Deepthroat: tell your girl to bleat like a goat then go balls deep and get that extra vibration

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Chevy Silverados are only designed to be driven by heterosexual males

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Devbot: “I’ll eat your coochie like a retard eats Cheerios”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

After that ass eats up those yoga pants, I’ll eat that ass. It’s a vicious cycle, but that’s the circle of life #asseatinszn

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Eat, skeet, burrit

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Devbot: “I want @scarlettjohannson to grapefruit me”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

If you wouldn’t suck alien titties then you’re a speciest and you can unfollow me #ETtitties

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

Anyone in the shoe aisle at Walmart is a guaranteed tweaker

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

It’s okay she couldn’t hear us

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

*Deaf lady in Panda Express trying to sign to the workers what her order was* Devbot: “Oh shit, that ladies throwing up gang signs to the workers”

[High Diaries @HighDiaries5]

The reason penguins are flightless is because the white man clipped their wings to have slaves on every continent