The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Air Force, and the Marines.
All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.
First up was the Army general. He chose to measure between the tips of his middle fingers with his arms spread wide.
Second was the Air Force, who chose the top of his head to the soles of his feet.
Then came the Marine General.
"I want you to measure from the tip of my penis to my balls."
The men running the measuring laughed and then asked him, seriously, where he wanted to measure.
"I am being serious. Now start measuring."
The men tried to dissuade him but he was adamant. Finally, resigned, one of the men takes the measuring tape and goes to take the measurement. When the general removed his pants the man jumped up in shock.
"Sir! Where are your balls?!?"
"IN VIETNAM!"
>be Roger Borkum
>average upper-middle class IT guy
>wife dedicates her free time to doing humanitarian work
>decides to go to Africa to “help people”
>i support her even though i feel a little uneasy about it
>she leaves
>last hug at the airport lasts a little too long
>i almost tell her not to go but bite my tongue
>don’t want to be racist
>two weeks later i get the call
>they found her body
>beaten raped and killed by sub-saharan african savages
>half my world is gone in one phone call
>house becomes an empty museum of her stuff
>guilt.exe
>years pass
>life falls apart
>lose job, start drinking
>still talk to her sometimes when no one’s around
>go downtown to meet an old friend at the bar
>havent seen him in a while, i need this
>excited.exe
>hours of laughter, the first ive smiled in a long time
>say goodbye to friend
>leave bar
>group of black youth starts taunting me
>laughing, circling, recording on phones
>hear one say “sneak up on him”
>don’t even bother running
>im tired man
>they jump me
>boots, fists, everything
>fade in and out of consciousness
>they leave
>come back
>do it again
>wake up in hospital
>can’t move
>can’t talk
>everything hurts
>doctor looks at me with pain in his eyes, like he already knows the ending
>close my eyes
>think of her on that trip
>feel warm, like she’s touching my hand
>can’t believe i’ve been beaten and killed by african american savages
>flatline
>reunited with my wife
>no longer alone