Hoabi Wan Kenobi

Father of the future emperor of the world

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Legalize love-taps with your front bumper to encourage slow drivers to:
1. Merge over
2. Go faster
3. Seek out the nearest stationary object

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Instead of making “plans,” make:

Plan Hathaways
Plan based proteins
Planlanta Georgias
Plan slaughters
Plan Lees
Plan Jams

I could go on and on

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

“Sick high beams bro, want to see an unregistered firearm?”

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Personally, I think they should make the Mystery Airhead a truly despicable flavor. Like pistachio or olive oil

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

I’m like Mario but instead of a mushroom, I use 30mg of Adderall to power up

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Checking if my arm does arm stuff yet like:

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

@joesabatella Vin Diesel would be proud

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Driving with your knees is easy. Want to really impress? Try it at the “10 and 2” positions

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

@brangocasino Hoabiwan

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

If I had a turtle I’d name him “Perc Turty”

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Fatherhood is weird. For instance, I saw this guy rolling coal precisely down the length of a playground and suddenly I was overcome with a strange feeling… I felt bad for laughing so hard. If that’s not personal growth I’m not sure what is

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

*gets off the phone with a new client for the first time*

Me: “I’ll keep you in the loop man, I can’t wait to start working together; love you!”

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

If you’re ever getting pulled over, just wave them passed

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

“Everybody is a piece of shit to somebody.”- Thia Eller

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

BONUS ROUND:

-I got charged for Froot Loops by my hotel

-Constitutional Carry state so I am probably the only one without a gun 🤌

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Since I’ve been in St. Louis I’ve seen:

- too men talking about beating the shit outta someone

-a woman telling a cook there’s “no fucking cheese in my eggs” and him responding with “there is… why the fuck you think I asked you what kinda cheese you wanted?”

10/10

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

*totals car and has a tantrum*

Kind woman who stopped: “Are you okay? What happened, were you going too fast?”

Me and my dark humor: “Not fucking fast enough I guess”

Woman:

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

Cunt.

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

I’m not saying I should be feared by humanity, but I pass cops in the right lane on the highway

[Hoabi Wan Kenobi @HoabiWan]

@UberFacts more pictures of Spider-Man