Holly Ballantine

Wife. Mom. Comic.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

My kids had money to spend at the store. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought….a rotisserie chicken.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

I truly peaked in 1998. I won state in bowling, was state running up free throw shooting champ, and I got boobs. Huge year for me and round things that hurt my back.

[Bill Kristol @BillKristol]

Bondi was awful, but no worse than Patel. Noem was terrible, but no worse than Hegseth. Funny that it’s only the women who get fired.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

Hey #oscars maybe don’t have dumb sketches before every award so the people who win them can have their damn moment.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

The people with the strongest opinions about halftime shows drive 6 hour road trips with no music.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

Amex is like here’s your weekly snapshot of what you spent and it’s like thanks but I was there.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

Very happy to report my phone now autocorrects shot to shit.

[mitra @mitrajoy_]

just because I hate trump and everything he’s doing doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hate any other politician doing the same thing because I’m not in a cult. hope that helps

[Brian Allen @allenanalysis]

Stella Carlson was there when Alex Pretti was killed.

After witnesses were reduced to nicknames and caricatures, she spoke up:

“I’m not the ‘Pink Jacket Lady.’ I want people to know who I am — because I represent all of us.”

She’s demanding the truth about what she saw and refusing to be erased after a killing.

[Brian Allen @allenanalysis]

BREAKING: A DHS report confirms two federal officers shot Alex Pretti and does not claim he brandished a gun.

That directly undercuts days of insinuations used to justify a fatal shooting.

The facts are catching up to the narrative.

[Sarah Longwell @SarahLongwell25]

A thread of MAGA protesting with guns and not getting murdered for it...

Arizona, November 2020

[CobaltFox @TkeeTennessee]

Me going to the after party with two strangers because I trust their vibe ….

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

@LSUBarstool And James Madison

[Austin Jacobsen @Austin2Jacobsen]

All this technology in football and we still have dudes looking like this to see if a field goal is good or not FOH

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

@CollegeFBonX

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

My new car doesn’t know me at all. Gaslight coming on at 69 miles? Honey, that is a full tank.

[Kyle Wachtel @KyleWachtel]

@NDFootball Notre Dame is really committed to avoiding quality opponents. Gotta give them credit.

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

@ontargethoops @SportsCenter @CFBPlayoff @IndianaFootball @OhioStateFB @GeorgiaFootball @TexasTechFB It’s possible

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

@forsportsonly It would certainly shut people up and that’s healing to me.

[Mitchell Paige @mitchellpaige5]

Ohio state band can’t even spell their own state.. Hoosiers by a million

[Holly Ballantine @HollyBallantine]

@mitchellpaige5 😂😂😂😂😂