Hootstick

Take any jokes you want. I can make more.

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

Wanted: New or nearly new 3-Series BMW. Will trade for light housework.

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

There is a magazine called “Psychic News”. What could be news to a psychic?

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

Is anyone else excited about crabapple fight season coming up? #Apple

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

I’m disappointing that my jazz hands and sparkle fingers didn’t replace the handshake during Covid. #COVID

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

As soon as I can see even a hint of abs, I’m writing a book called, “From Biggie to 2Pack” #weightloss #fitness

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

The sound that strikes fear in every neighbor. Guys, I fixed the karaoke machine. #Summer2021

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

So I looked over at him and said, “Hey Roomba, go get me another drink.”

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

I have decided to become a studio musician for people who cannot afford to pay a studio musician. I specialize in YouTube videos with 16 to 24 views.

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

Improv game: C’mon hun, tell the kids the big news. #funny #improv

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

https://t.co/acCIe5nZe8 just made the @Hootstick1 playlist. #arkwoods

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

Just as we get the perfect moment for a photo. “Hang on a sec, guys. I need to restart my phone.” “Dude, just get an iPhone.” #androidmoments #iPhone

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

https://t.co/HgHZx5qaiN #DogLover #dogtraining

[Tony Hawk @tonyhawk]

“Birdhouse Skateboards, this is Tony”

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

I like to be the guy with the answers to the questions that no one is asking. #marketing

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

If you don’t understand why someone wouldn’t like you, it might be because you don’t understand why someone wouldn’t like you. #relationships #funny #maybe

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

@JAY__MC @chrissyteigen My mom used to put Jesus Christ in front of my name, too.

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

E.T. would have been very different if E.T. was discovered by Sid from Toy Story #movie

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

New word of the day: Gullibled: to be tricked into something so obvious, others question the decision to allow you to live alone. #WordsMatter

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

As I search for paper: Did I just write something? #stoner #WeedLovers

[Hootstick @Hootstick1]

How many likes are just weed-induced errors? Most of mine, I would presume. #funny #SocialMedia