(((Maddi)))

violently whimsical

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

why do people say reptilian as a bad adjective? i do not think i am better than a snake. i am definitely worse than a nile monitor.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Sure wish I didn’t have PMDD during this, the week of the Shrek rave.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

I got my first Botox the same day as my first Brazilian. I’m obsessed.
I had to put a tip on that toenail.
I have smashed some claws, so if he’s awake fucket I’m gonna tell him

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Since this site is deceased, confession session:
I’m not really a vegetarian. I don’t like meat & beef makes me cry, but sometimes I need sushi or Popeyes.
I totally gave myself a promotion today. I am so, so qualified & I deserve to say that.
I’m in love; it is mortifying.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Cont.: sometimes I am so overwhelmed by love for my cats, my heart’s ether expands to explosion. I don’t even know how to tell these orange cats they’re my life. My 90s mouth says “fag.”
I can cook, I don’t wanna. Ok chemistry that taste good, we get it, calm down.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

@pc98jr The fencing material! This is the number one joke when I bring it up, tho, and it is heartening to know how many people recall the film

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

I apologize for the frequency of my bullying regarding getting someone to take me to one of the two barbed wire museums America has to offer. I will not stop.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Because it takes place during the Great Depression, it is safe to say that only Paul and Mr Jingles ever heard ska punk & even safer to say that only Mr Jingles truly appreciated it.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

America is sliding further into fascism and I am rubbing a frozen cucumber on my eyes to reduce puffiness

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

While it is impossible to be certain, I believe I was, for a brief moment in time, the biggest bimbo in this particular Home Depot.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Everything was fungible and nothing hurt

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

There’s a few reasons I won’t get an air fryer: like, for one thing I have limited counter space; two, I just don’t see the point… & maybe the most important, seeing how I reacted to bikram yoga I’m way too susceptible to cults and just need to avoid anything that looks like one

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

It would appear I’ve been Fucking up for years. I thought it was ~good~ to put coffee grounds down the sink. For this, I do not blame my parents or the American education system. No, this is entirely Don DeLillo’s fault, the massive prick.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

GG Allin would be so proud of Jared Leto

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

I purchased an AC filter today and it turned out not to be the single most embarrassing thing anyone has ever done. Huh.

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

@LeftToeDjinn He doesn’t much like being picked up, so I try to save it for when he’s being particularly needy. He’s 8lbs and extremely soft, so it’s very hard not to annoy him

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

I’m about to watch The Lion King for the first time in 20 years and I’m sure this will be fine.

Look, I have some Lion King related trauma that I’m happy to overshare and I genuinely don’t know why I’m doing this

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

Would also like to point out I haven’t lifted this dude up like the goofy wise monkey I am, which means my impulse control is impeccable

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

We’re definitely adults now. We’ve mostly lost touch; I moved away and she has kids. But there we were, college idiots & friends since kindergarten, at her dad’s funeral, and she was that little girl leaving Lion King. Idk this is probably my therapist’s problem, not twitters’

[(((Maddi))) @HorrorHarlot]

@jvfriedman Jesus Christ, this is a batmobile.