My dog: *panting in terror and shuddering like a lopsided laundry load on spin cycle*
Me: Awww it’s okay, boy. It’s just a rapid series of explosions and guns going off hundreds of times for hours and hours. Don’t be such a scaredy cat.
What's great about older kids is that there's no longer food crumbs everywhere and they pick up after themselves and if you believed this I'm sorry. I'm totally lying. It's actually way worse. More crumbs. Hope this helps you younger parents out there.
For a second time, my wife scheduled a double sleepover at our house when she conveniently has to work. Then as one of my son's friends is guzzling Kool aid at dinner, tells me he also has an iced caramel mocha earlier. One of us isn't surviving. It's me. I'm not gonna survive.
Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.