HowToBeADad

An entertainment experience for parents, or anyone who's had parents, really. Also on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube: HowToBeADad

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Can you do your taxes at a drive-through ATM? Because it really feels like the person in front of me is doing their taxes.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

The older I get, the more irritated I am by the spelling of Wednesday

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

I’ve said “well that didn’t sound good” many times in my life while driving.

Now that I’m in my 40s, I also say it in reference to my body.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

My dog: *panting in terror and shuddering like a lopsided laundry load on spin cycle*

Me: Awww it’s okay, boy. It’s just a rapid series of explosions and guns going off hundreds of times for hours and hours. Don’t be such a scaredy cat.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Don't be a pessimist and tell me my fly is half open.

Be an optimist and say it's half closed!

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

If you’re having a bad day, find a toddler and ask them to pronounce hallelujah.

You’re welcome

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

I’m on a weight-loss journey.

But I appear to be walking backwards.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Pausing a movie to explain old tech to your kid makes you really appreciate how far we’ve come, and how old you’ve gotten. Mostly the old part tho

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Little kids putting on clothes is more entertaining than professional wrestling.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Some of you will need this soon.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Replaced a fuse in a rival dad’s Christmas lights so the second half of the strand would turn on right in front of his wife and kids.

[Joshin and Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

happy "let's circle back on this after the holidays" to all who observe!

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

You know what’s worse than getting a song you hate stuck in your head? Your kid getting a song you hate stuck in their head. Like 10 times worse man

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

My son forgot what earlobes are called so after a pause he said ear sacks. He is no longer allowed to speak if he doesn’t recall a word.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

11-year-old: Are we doing anything fun this weekend?

Me: Yes.

11: Actually fun or what you think is fun?

She's catching on.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Watching horror movies with my teenaged son has me conflicted.

On one hand, I’m a dad. But on the other hand, I’m repeatedly shouting for the characters to turn the damn lights ON.

[A Dad Influence @gbergan]

When you ask your man what he's thinking, believe him when he says nothing.

[HowToBeADad @HowToBeADad]

Before showing a video on your phone to someone in person, rate their probable interest in watching it on a scale from 0 to 10.

Good. Now take away ten points.

[Professional Worrier @pro_worrier_]

I promise that when my kid says “actually” whatever comes out of their mouth next will be very false