Hugo Daire

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/MzfOIAoNs7 Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio.

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many. http://t.co/DLcBT5Z1Gc

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/luHe5pyVnk

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/mX7Rpl3j96 "I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/HwaML1zYtr

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/XDI0wYmnge It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/m9jBKm4hpy Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/LyXusgA6Kb

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/8RdAdDmqTP Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/fTStNftuZS

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork". http://t.co/gDV3uc3T0D

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/dSFf0deanA

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Is Lobster Bisque a good rap name? http://t.co/28CUP8y9

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/lI6VTnwD If you don't use a bottle opener to open your beer, you drink shitty beer.

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

You think Italians encourage amnesia? Forget about it! http://t.co/AIEgyKbA

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Wishing Charlie Sheen a full recovery from his addiction to awesome fun. http://t.co/sCxwUOkS

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Get slim by summer starting TODAY with Raspberry Ketones! http://t.co/twkjS36h

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

Raspberry Ketone Works! http://t.co/ocORohcj

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

http://t.co/uv5qqGGn I can't believe Google is cocky enough to start guessing after one letter.

[Hugo Daire @HugoDaire]

In a landslide victory, landslides crush their opponents. http://t.co/vY85EiZx