HumorHive

Funny jokes and other silly nonsense - it's the bee's knees!

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

If there's one thing I know about women, it's that I'm probably wrong about that too.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

I'm not pregnant enough to enjoy Facebook.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

The Little Mermaid taught us all a valuable lesson. Men will fall in love with you if you can't talk.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Good evening, welcome to the Fuck Givery. We regret to inform you that we are closed for the night as we've run out of fucks to give.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Every time I see a girl running in high heels, a part of me wants to see her fall. Just kidding. All of me wants to see her fall.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

So many of my problems can be solved with a jet pack.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Thank you, adjectives. You make insulting people much more fun.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

I'm really disappointed in the number of animals we can ride.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Zippers must have been invented by a woman with some castration conspiracy in mind.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Most pictures are only worth seven words: "Why the hell did you take that?"

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Have you heard of this thing called "not being an asshole?" Let's make that popular.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

I love my life but it just wants to stay friends.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Every time I see a pile of clothes on the floor, I think the world just lost another Jedi.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Optimists make me want to drown them in half-full swimming pools.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Just remember: No matter how intelligent you think you are, someone out there thinks you're an idiot.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

My relationship with the gym isn't working out.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

"Two can play at this game!" - person who doesn't understand solitaire

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

I bet every recipe for disaster has raisins in it.

[HumorHive @HumorHive]

Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key