Jewish Humor

Jewish humor - funny jewish jokes and one liners - RT if it makes you laugh :D

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

The bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.

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Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

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Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? A: They're worth it.

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

Jewish Proverb: Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

I dislike Moses. He took us 40 years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

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God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else for a change?

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I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

A Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebermann to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

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Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

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Controversy: When does life begin? In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

"The shrink told me I got an Oedipus complex, Mom" - "That's okay, son. No worries. As long as you love your mother..."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change light-bulb? A: None: "It's okay, I will sit here in the dark..."

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

"Humor is just another defense against the universe." ~Mel Brooks

[Jewish Humor @HumorJewish]

Q: What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers? A: "Pardon me ladies, but is ANYTHING all right?"