Mom Humor

Mother of 2 spoiled teenagers and 4 barking Chihuahuas. Oh yeah...I have a husband, too.

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

I just told my daughter to surprise her father when he gets home by having her toenails clipped. #WeirdFamily

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Awww I missed @GeraldoRivera 's nude selfie? Disappointed in my friends.

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Dear algebra: do not EVER attempt to enter my dreams and ruin my sleep again! #algebrasucks

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

I know how to cause a rain storm. All I have to do is wash my car and it will rain the next day. #happenseverytime

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

It's nice that today's a holiday, but how can I wake up the teenager and get her to start cleaning? #herroomisashithole

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

"I just glazed!" @HeatherDubrow @BravoAndy

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Fucking severe allergic reaction! Now I have to have an epi pen. Can I really rely on my family to save my life with this thing? #HivesSuck

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

@DaneCook I really don't want to wait until tomorrow to tweet #FuckYouFriday Can I start now?

[Dane Cook @DaneCook]

I've started #FuckYouFriday.
Tomorrow.
The bar.
Has been.
Lowered.
#FUF #RT

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

I almost peed my pants last night watching Louie Anderson on Splash.

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Not very happy that my husband just ate chili AND baked beans! #SomeoneIsSleepingOnTheCouch

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

With my daughter & see a man w/a sign saying he's a Vietnam vet & needs help. My daughter says, "awwww. He was a Vietnam veterinarian"

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Whoops! I guess the Easter bunny accidentally bought his favorite candy instead of the kids'. #SugarComa

[Brandi Glanville @BrandiGlanville]

Advice of the day if you feel a little camel toe-y throw on a panty liner- #camelbegone

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

My daughter just told me I'm not a good black person...I'm white.

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Why does everyone dump their shit on mom? I'm so sick of everyone complaining!

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

I also got a beautiful bouquet of flowers for V-Day, but I didn't post pictures of it all over FB. #bitchesBbragging

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

Is it disgusting that I'm letting my dog lick my feet? He eats poop by the way.

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

@ScaryMommy Did u see "This is 40"? It was funny, but it made me cry-it was exactly my life!

[Mom Humor @HumorMommy]

My daughter thinks she needs a tutor for biology when she got an A + in that class last semester. Do they just dream of ways to spend my $$?