Kevin for What Ails Ya

Ruining fun since ‘71.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

Okay, my previous pinned tweet wasn’t great enough, so we’ll see how THIS rockin shit works out.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

If somebody wants to slip into my DM's, I have made it easy by littering banana peels all the fuck over my profile. Just try to keep out, I dare you.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

brainsludgemissives said: 29 & 36 https://t.co/aiEkW5xcuF

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

i-swear-im-an-adult said: 31 https://t.co/lwumRwV8aA

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

NSFW Asks - somevelvetmornin: meandering-hedonist: I got tired of seeing NSFW asks with moronic questions... https://t.co/B3SpQSNk3I

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

ME: “I call this one the Peter North.” *sprays cream all over your mug*

YOU, A STARBUCKS CUSTOMER: “Well, I never! Is your manager available, sir?”

ME: “I don’t know, I don’t work here.”

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@nameterminated I keep them in my balls. Just gotta SHAKE ‘EM OUT.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@EskimoFunk @ChellaLocke MILLER’S CROSSING is my favorite movie, right on!

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@kylefandrews @scottEweinberg Umm, I didn’t vote for him, and this isn’t a political discussion. You folks are taking my sarcastic joke way too seriously, which only backs up the silly message of it.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

Airbourne - No Way But The Hard Way [OFFICIAL VIDEO] https://t.co/Fu1AuivNUA If you claim to be a “huge” AC/DC fan but don’t listen to Airbourne, I have no respect for you and I condemn your decisions.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@pintsizedMB @scottEweinberg According to some reading I just did, a 24-year old very much is a millennial. My joke remains valid.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

“We can get to your favorite movies later, but first: which bodily functions are on the table?”

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

“So...which of your orifices are open for intense and thorough exploration?”

—First date small-talk

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

Here is a dim-light SDS for @i-swear-im-an-adult because I did, in fact, have tacos today. https://t.co/zY6sAo1JsW

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

I’m just going to assume that call from Mexico wasn’t important.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@scottEweinberg Millennials killed satire.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

@_steamy_mac I tend to skip all the self-realizations and just watch the gangbang porn.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

It’s fine; I understand I’m too pretty to talk to.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

Positivity! Look at this man’s completely sincere embrace of joy or whatever. We should all strive to be this full of something.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

I am not a sexy young woman; therefore, I welcome DMs.

Please.

I’m so lonely.

[Kevin for What Ails Ya @HungryLikeKevin]

Somebody tell the muscle in my arm that there is no reason to be twitching, thank you.