Hunter Gardner

Comedy writer & nice dude | @pbs @buzzfeed @RISKshow @mcsweeneys @weeklyhumorist @pointsincase @thisisrobotbutt @rejectionlit

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Bank: You're Sally?
Sally: Yes.
Bank: And you sell seashells?
Sally: Yes.
Bank: By the seashore?
Sally: Yes.
Bank: Where all the seashells already are.
Sally: Yes.
Bank: ...
Sally: I'm not going to get this business loan, am I?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

For what it’s worth, I wish I had quoted The Flaming Lips as my senior year yearbook quote.

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

STOP saying “girlfriend” START saying:

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Books? Oh, that's like a podcast but you have to... read it?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

We live in a strange country where a football team can be voted out of the college football playoff because their QB was injured, but a guy with 91 felony counts can be voted in as president of the United States.

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

A truly ominous sign for 2024…

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

@cararothenbergg @andycompton_ Thank you @cararothenbergg ! You're on the shortlist of reasons why I stay on this ding dang app. And lucky to be your real-life friend!

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Put on sweatpants to go to the gym- but then remembered that my couch is really comfortable.

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Have you ever let out a sigh so heavy it worried your Uber driver?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Oh great, now everyone is going to dress up as a “sexy Barbie” for Halloween🙄

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Fellas- is it gay to text my girlfriend that I love her?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Job apps are getting weird...

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

“I really don’t want people to be fighting on my birthday “

[Emma Pope @emmerpope]

America at her party this year 💅🏼 🇺🇸

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Happy Annual Day Of Blurry Fireworks Pics, everyone!

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

@ClintonSprinkle @KAHughes88 @Cubs Ok… but why isn’t he… pitching?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

2021: I’m so glad I’m off the train in open air so I can take off this mask.

2023: Thank god I’m on the train away from smoky air so I can take off this mask.

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

I can't stop using the phrase "beefing up" lately and I'm concerned (e.g. 'beefing up my resumé' , 'beefing up my website' , 'beefing up my beef eating') - any advice??

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

I've been doing 'The Artist's Way' and describe it to others as "AA for artists" but I think AA for artists is just... AA?

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

I've been really working on myself lately (by judging other people)

[Hunter Gardner @HunnaGardnah]

Huge if true

[Weekly Humorist @WeeklyHumorist]

The 5 Stages of Grief Automated Voice Message System ~ by Hunter Gardner @hunnagardnah Now tell me: Would you do anything to bring your friend or loved one back? If so, say “BARGAINING”. You can https://t.co/XfBvVLwUat #ai #app