Jess

crispy cauliflower

[JIM 🥣 @longbhriste]

grating cheese is so fun until it starts getting scary

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Goodbye, America.

Never speak to Me again.

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

In 2024 i’ve learned y’all need to stop cutting your food with scissors fr

[holden m. accountable @noahpasaran]

honestly I was going to make a joke about JD Vance looking like John Wayne Gacy but Jesus fucking Christ this is uncanny

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

@willmonaco NOOOOOO

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

I do not wanna watch a white man play acoustic guitar it just ain’t right

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

When I have cash in my wallet, baby, that’s monopoly money 💰

[Theo Hardy @TheoHardy01]

*second. Shoutout @ifchukars

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

The textual opportunity missed here gives me unspeakable pain

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

when vampire weekend was like “who gives a fuck about the oxford comma” it’s just like… well, me! and frankly you should, too. if you’re not using oxford commas you’re messy and you’re chaotic and I don’t trust you

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

I’m sorry I’m not a baby whale. Would that I could be a baby whale.

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

The most annoying person you’ve ever met is wearing a sun hat and matching athleisure set, loudly facetiming at Burbank airport.

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

Your highest calling as a woman is to absolutely house a party-sized bag of snack factory everything pretzel crisps

[Sylvia Plath's Food Diary @whatsylviaate]

hot milk, like a baby 6/29/54

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

Maybe you don’t have autism maybe you’re just a lil weirdo

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

So so so few people look even remotely good in bucket hats, and you are more than likely not one of them

[Kevin Finnerty @timeimmemorial_]

no one:
corporations june 1:

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

I’m actually incredibly cool and funny and hot and I’ve never done anything wrong in my entire goddamn life

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

@bitterwerk Ikr

[Jess @HurdyGurdyNFab]

I like when a man identifies himself as a “meat and potatoes” guy, because then i know who is made of food and who is a real boy