Mark Hurst

“Ah, Juicy Fruit”.

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Fiona saying that #bbcqt audience members are vetted on the phone and have their social media checked

Course it was all very different back in the day, when it first aired, you had to provide Polaroids of 5 friends and they would visit your neighbours to chat to them about you

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

INTERIOR: #STARMER's OFFICE. 9am

Victoria: (READS KEIR's SPEECH)

Keir: What do you think?

Victoria: It's good. Especially the bit about 'accepting their answer with good grace'

But I think it would sound even better if you changed 'bunch of cunts' to 'my party'..

Keir: Bah

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Help #Makerfield Through The Night..'

A song about the By-Election - sung to a squirrel!

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Breaking: Ealing Man Finds Head in a Carrier Bag..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

In a bid to highlight his working class credentials and thus appeal to grassroots voters, Starmer is to star in a new prime time sitcom, with Angela Rayner.

About a warring, struggling couple in a council house, it's called, 'Yus My Keir'

#Starmer

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

I can't help feeling that Robert Jenrick should always wear a school uniform, with blazer, cap, tie and a catapult sticking out of his top pocket..

#bbcqt

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

It was a new competiton, live from The Ewecible..

#snooker

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

I think this a personal best for me, in the 'Long Shadow Legs' Length category.

I wonder what the world record stands at..?

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

David is such an arsehole, he could have been an item in the eating trial..
#imaceleb

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Not sure #Morrisons is that committed to discouraging shoplifting.
Not only did they sack a staff member for trying to stop it, but in my local one, the meat section has a sign saying -
'Grab and Go'..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Robbie should front a Black Sabbath tribute band, and call it Take Bat..

#Brits2026

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Wool Phallus would be a great name for a band..

#Brits2026

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Polls have now closed at the Galton & Simpson by-election.

The turnout is expected to be very nearly an armful..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

I hope he's using the rest, in peace..
What a legend

#JohnVirgo
#snooker

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Traffic, Lights..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Bloke in the supermarket, picking up watermelons, holding them to his ear, and tapping them.
Can't help imagining his face if one tapped back..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Twas Brylcreem, & the slimy tories
Did squirm and dangle in the wabe
All mimsy were the Faragegroves
And the Reform wraths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jenrickwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Kuenssberg, & shun
The frumious Badenochsnatch!”

#Jenrick

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

(To the tune of Puff The Magic Dragon..)

#Grok The AI Chatbot
Developed for X
Takes quite decent images
And turns them into sex

It's little Elon's caper
And some have had enough
They want Ofcom to take it down
For making dodgy stuff..

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Fahey just said - 'she decided to flee'. Flee. Not attack, then..

#Newsnight

[Mark Hurst @HurstAKA]

Opening song for tonight's #Panorama on #Evri

Evri time they don't come by
I die a little
Evri time, they lie and lie
I cry a little
I need my 10L Compostable bin Liners
When they change from 'We're nearly there' to
'Some other time', Argh!
Evri's times? Pie in the sky..