Captain Phillip

Twitter, he twote.

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

@McDonalds: the official redtaurant of the olympics

Cigarettes: the official pastime of the anti-cancer foundation

[Denny’s @DennysDiner]

you say potato, we say popato.
you say tomato, we say toblammo.

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

The early bird gets the worm!
...and the early worm gets killed and eaten, so I think I'll sleep in, thank you.

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

OH HECK YES #Sharknado4 ON JULY 31ST!!!

THEY ARE ACTUALLY CALLING IT THE 4TH AWAKENS

NOT SURE IF I'VE EVER BEEN THIS EXCITED BEFORE

[(parody) BILL NYE THO @Bill_Nye_Tho]

science tip: check yourself before you wreck yourself

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

"The journey of a single step begins and ends with a single step"

-Phillip Miller

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

Feeling upset today so I'm just gonna quietly murmur the word "squid" to myself over and over again until I feel better

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

GETTIN REALLY INTO ONE PUNCH MAN

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

How come in Tf2 only kids and f2p play advanced mvm and everybody good plays on normal?

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

Never thought I'd nerd rage this hard but after being a strong Marvel fan, cap#1 almost makes me want to go pure DC #SayNotoHYDRAcap

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

I wonder if no one noticed that I trimmed my beard or if people noticed and just aren't saying anything about it...

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

So is it all about that bass or is it still all about the hokey pokey?

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

This book for class is not good and iT IS NOT ON SPARKNOTES

[Denny’s @DennysDiner]

finals week tip:

before handing in your test staple a pancake to it. couldn't hurt, right?

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

I C A N T S T O P W A T C H I N G T H A T D A R N H I S T O R Y O F J A P A N V I D E O

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

#ThatAwkwardMoment when you feel depressed but up to telling jokes somehow so everybody thinks you're okay but you really just feel empty.

[Elizabeth Warren @ewarren]

No, @realDonaldTrump - your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn't drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I'm not alone.

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

.@CaptainAmerica I stand with #TeamCap. #TweetMe
https://t.co/H5XeRzGEs4

[Captain Phillip @IAMTHEPHILLIP]

Bro I just ate like 5 sticks of string cheese #lifeisgood