Plushflake

over 7 years ago

"Sometimes, you just gotta realize: not everyone's a fucking potato."- Inspiring quote by Alli 12/12/18

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almost 8 years ago

Welp.

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

My son didn't cope well with going to jail. He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit. After that we never played Monopoly again.

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?" Rich said: “I want lots of money!”

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

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almost 8 years ago

My morning: *Wakes up then looks in mirror* Me: Hey, I don't look that bad today. Brain: *Snort* Me: What? Brain: You know you lowkey look like Shrek; what you mean.

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

Today, I saw someone waving and I wasn’t sure whether they were waving at me or at someone behind me. In other news, I was fired from my lifeguard job.

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I’m a cashew...

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IAmPlush retweeted

almost 8 years ago

I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends". Anyway, he was very nice and gave me some good tips on how to be more sociable.

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almost 8 years ago

@Heckin_Furuffy