jenna

24 | ed vent account | tw | trying to maybe recover

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

🌲Thread of Threads🌲

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

@cptsdarling happy birthday!!!!! 🤍🤍🤍

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

the carla ryan scene in the factory was one of my faves it was so funny and cute ryan is the best swarla ally

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

fucking hell the chest pains are so bad and idk if it’s actual chest pains or anxiety or acid reflux or a combination i’m going to throw upppp

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

fingers crossed i don’t have to walk to the hospital now lol

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

also it’s snowing properly and it’s settling wtf

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

okay well the tests we were going to test today might not even actually be mine so idk where mine have gone so i’ve had to email the woman they belong to being like oops sorry i opened them ik they had your name on i’m so so sorry ugh

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

oh i feel insanely nauseous i think i’m going to throw up

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

people do actual hard things like really hard shit and i’m a little baby scared to sit in an office for a singular day bc someone might talk to me wahhh wahhh what a loser

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i also can’t admit i’m wrong about my negative thoughts like if someone says oh that wasn’t too bad was it? i’m like well yeah kinda bad actually even if i don’t think that bc positivity is for looooosers

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i have such a negative mindset that if i think a positive thought i will make fun of myself for being positive

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i’m such a bad influence on myself bc in my heart ik if i go in more often i’ll be less anxious but my dumb brains like no it won’t it’ll suck forever avoid going in as much as possible bc if you go in you’ll DIE

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i’m so dramatic but what if i die?

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

supervisor meeting, probs chat with best supervisor, snowy or wet walk to hospital, meet with supervisor i’ve never met irl, do some testing with blood, got back to normal office, socially interact AND do my work, go home in the dark and cold and wet on a bus at rush hour

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

oh you’re already anxious? why don’t i make it a possibility for you to shit yourself on top of that!

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i love anxiety bc not only do i feel incredibly sick about going j to work tmr but i’m having actual unwell stomach symptoms bc of the anxiety just as an extra thing to be anxious about?

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

i’m also anxious as all hell for tmr though so maybe it’s that too

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

obvs only taken it today but the sertraline is making me have like no appetite so long may that last

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

can’t believe tmrs not only the one day i go into work but also a day i have to walk to the hospital from work and it’s going to snow apparently just typical

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

it’s just annoying bc she’s very inflexible around her schedule. i suggest any other time and she’s like nope gotta pick the kids up i’m only around your area this one thursday like come on

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

this woman who does the flat inspection texted me and asked if next thursday would be good and i said no like two weeks ago and she’s just asked me again in whatsapp like no i’m in the office go away

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

idk i don’t like this assumption that i can drop work just for her to come round and spy on me (yes ik i don’t go in much but i now have to)

[jenna @IDEALLYTHlN]

this woman who does the flat inspection texted me and asked if next thursday would be good and i said no like two weeks ago and she’s just asked me again in whatsapp like no i’m in the office go away