Iain Pattison

If you jump in a river in Paris your insane, if you jump in a river in Egypt your in denial

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Murderers - need to dispose of a body?

Parcel it up and send it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

[BBC Radio Wales @BBCRadioWales]

👍 Pleased with that then?!

🏉 Wales beat Ireland 16-10 in Dublin http://t.co/gnXGIjO4iV

❓ A Rugby World Cup boost?

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

@WalesRugby beautiful

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

That's how we roll yah big trotting losers! Big boys turn today #IREvWAL

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Wake up everyone, not only is it pay day, it's a bank holiday weekend yehahhhhhhhhh

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

I've decided to retire from my normal life and become an " off grid spoon whittler"

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Scientists who claim that graphene is the thinnest black material ever invented have obviously never bought aldi value bin bags

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

How do I set my laser pointer to stun?

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Ones really heavy and the other is a little lighter

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Red sky at night
Shepherds delight
Blue sky at night
Day

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

I just deleted all the German names off my phone, it's "Hans free"

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

If I had two nephews called Simon & Garth, I would be Simon & Garth's uncle

Sadly I don't and this troubles me greatly

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

“@Pundamentalism: If you work in a medal shop, it must be very hard to ask people what they want without sounding sarcastic.”

[GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge]

"I am a man who will fight for your honour,
I'll be the hero, and so on and so forth"

- Peter Et Cetera

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Prague castle - beautiful

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

@Wytchfinder_Gen me too that thing really creeped me out Jesus!

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

It's absolutely Chavulous in Blackpool today

[Iain Pattison @Iain_Pattison]

Rhys sets a new PB with grapes, apple juice, pineapple juice, strawberries & Cream cheese. Well done, an inspiration to us all