GarDeHarHar

Wonderfully weird is who I am. Lame jokes are my specialty, although some good ones sneak through too. Join me in seeing the world through my eyes.

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

And speaking of animals,
Did you ever see a wood duck in a limbo contest?
Makes you wonder…
How much wood would a wood duck duck if a wood duck, could duck wood
https://t.co/ds0wu7hi3l
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

promo idea #2:
Be treated like a king for a day*
* The lion king that is. It is a zoo after all...
You too will eat like a king! **
** The lion king eats grubs. Enjoy!
Be chased by wild hyenas
Be nearly trampled by a wildabeast herd
Ahh the life of royalty
#IamGart
#australiazoo

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

A promo idea:
Feel an actual crocodile tongue!
Totally Safe *
Just put your arm in the crocodile's mouth and caress the tongue with your fingers **
* For the crocodile
** We said you could put your hand in, no guarantees about getting your arm out!
#IamGart
#australiazoo

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

So you can have a chairman, you can have a conspirator.
And yet they are a partnership - they are a both part of a duo or a bigger group.
Chairman and Co-Chairman, Conspirator and Co-Conspirator.
So can you explain to me why an Axe and Coax don't go together nicely ?
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

I see ads in the classifieds all the time for "clean dirt"
When the kids come home from playing outside, they may be covered in dirt.
The first thing that their parents tell them to do is to get cleaned up...
But what if they were playing in "clean dirt" ?
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

If you create an animal out of folding a substance such as paper or plastic - does the satisfaction of a job well gone give you an origamiism?
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

In this age of younger people managing companies, Supervisors, Managers, even HR has authority over me - Whatever happened to mind your elders?
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Computers are naughty just in themselves...
Do you have enough RAM?
We've upgraded from floppy to hard.
Did someone say something about grabbing their joystick?
Let's interface!
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Phone companies have all these star codes.
Who makes those things up?
I'm betting that it was men that got together to create those star codes.
Ya gotta admit - It certainly sounds like a man - "Oh, we gotta put a star next to 69!"
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Ladies, I have question for you, "If Snickers really satisfies you, then why do you need a man?"
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Movies influence real life...
A man and a woman talk, they meet - so a rating of G
Eventually it may move up to Rated R as they get to know each other more and more.
Then given enough time, they're probably gonna do something Rated X.
Next thing ya' know, she's PG
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

An idea for a product I like to call, "Wax and Wake"
Are your kids have a hard time waking up?
Wake them up with Wake and Wake.
All you do is apply a hot wax strip to any exposed arm or leg.
Then, just give a yank!
I bet you they're awake now :)
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

A lot of us, if not the majority, have heard of the Dr. Seuss classic, "The Grinch that Stole Christmas". If you think about it, someone stealing all of your Christas decorations and presents, you would think it would be called, "A Nightmare Before Christmas"?
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

What about teachers that work in our jails and prisons? They educate people that didn't take that opportunity before.
Teaching them math and English and such. Nouns, verbs, and prepositional phrases. Teaching these English classes can be called, "conjugational visits"
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

We apparently don't listen to our parents or we'd take their advice
They tell us, “Don't take money from strangers”. Do paychecks count?
Answering phones for a living violates our parent's training of both, "sit down and shut up"
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Computers and TV's often tell us, "Please stand by". Do they not know that we’re sitting?
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

We look to care for our teeth with things that eliminate or control tartar buildup. Then we go to Ivar's or Skippers.
Makes you wonder...
#IamGart

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Water cannons shoot water. Potato guns shoot potatoes. So why do we put water in a Squirt gun?
A related question: Why is Canada Dry wet?
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

Remember the movies where you're starving on an island and the the others are starting to look mighty tasty?
Just a tip. If there's a guy named, Richard too, digging a pit trap will not work to snare him.
So just remember, you'll never get Rich by digging a ditch...
#IamGarT

[GarDeHarHar @IamGarT]

What if Paul opened a seafood store? He can be famous for the quality of his fish, “Wow that's a Paul Ling”

Did you know that William's mom was really involved in politics? She passed a Bill didn't she?
#IamGarT