Jonah Hill

| Too Many Girls Demand Attention And Not Respect | Parody | Not Affiliated With Jonah Hill

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

I'm homy... and I bet 99% of you pervs misread that.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Whoever snuck the 'S' into Fast Food ...well played!

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

If a profile picture has two ppl in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Every time you make a "your mom" joke, I call my mom to check. Most of you are liars.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Mom says 'Alcohol is your enemy'... Jesus says 'Love your enemy.'

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

I think there's finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

So tired of girls complaining that there are no good guys left. Hello?? They’re where you left them, IN THE FRIEND ZONE!

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Facebook retains ownership of everything you post, so I uploaded my debt and my kids.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Teacher: "Tell me the name of 3 great kings?" Me: "SmoKING, drinKING and f*cKING."

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Darkest: the exact moment you’re trying to find your seat at a movie.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

"Can I help you Sir?" "No, I just waited in line for 30 minutes to say Hi."

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So now I have to sit down when I pee.

[Jonah Hill @IamJonahHilI]

Getting into a relationship may be tempting but so was getting on the titanic ship and look what happened there.