Ian B

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[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

Some waterbed financing charlatan is trying to community note this

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

🚨 BRAKING 🚨

At President Trump’s direction, Lord Keir Stoerner, has been fired from his role as prime minister. The British must do what America tells them to, and this was no exception

This is why we had to single handedly win two world wars for them

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

I don’t condone soccer, but I cannot wait to send the Australians back to Vienna where they belong

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

I will be reenacting Washington crossing the Delaware in an above ground pool on July 4th to honor America’s 250th birthday

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

I had to put a pro-tax Hardees employee in his place this morning

After ordering my biscuit and coffee, the teenage cashier rang me up and I asked for a physical copy of the itemization before I paid. After he printed it, I pulled out my custom fountain pen and struck through the sales tax

I informed him that the federal government owed me a tax refund for this year and that until I received it, I wouldn’t be paying any taxes. He said, “Sir I can’t remove that from the bill, it’s automatic.”

I advised him that I wouldn’t be paying at all then and took my coffee and biscuit and strode out of there with a determined look on my face

I received a standing ovation

[Ian B @IanButterwort14]

Christopher Sanchez is dealing on opening day. Love to see it. #philadelphiaphillies #openingday

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

Imagine waking up as a Europoor this morning

1. You haven’t showered in a week
2. You dry your clothes on a clothesline
3. You don’t have the internet
4. You don’t have air conditioning
5. You don’t have access to ice
5. You don’t have a Super Bowl today

Yikes

[Ian B @IanButterwort14]

@3YearLetterman @SolBumFights Acting tough as he struggles to make waterbed payments. 🙄

[Ian B @IanButterwort14]

@infosec_fox Nice try, Fed

[Ian B @IanButterwort14]

Absolute legend.

[Jason Kelce @JasonKelce]

Congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles, my former teammates, and friends on being SB LIX Champions!! There were a lot of emotions last night, and now that I’ve collected my thoughts, I’ll attempt to share them in the longest tweet ever.

That game was odd for me to watch if I’m being completely honest. I knew it was going to be mixed emotions before, during, and after, and I now know what my parents had to deal with two years ago. On one hand, I wanted what is best for my brother, and to see his success. And on the other hand, there are so many people, teammates, and coaches, in the Philadelphia Eagles organization that I care deeply about, Many of whom I owe my own success to throughout my career.

I am very proud for Jalen Hurts, Nick Sirianni, and this entire team. They have persevered greatly, answered their critics amazingly, and proved themselves to be undoubtedly the best team this season. It is extremely difficult for a team in the NFL to have enough talent, coaching, fortune, and character to win a Super Bowl. The character and swagger of this Eagles team was something truly special to behold. A true representation of the toughness and grit that makes Philadelphia what it is. Well done fellas, well fucking done.

As for my brother, There isn’t a person I love or care about more. It has been tough to process these feelings, of course I feel for him and am always rooting for him, but I know he does not need, nor want my pity. He has amassed greatness few on this planet could ever dream of, as has his team, and they should feel pride in their accomplishments this season and in the past. I know right now they are still thinking of last night and the shortcomings in the last game, But in time that will fade, and the greatness they have exhibited as a group will remain as one of the most dominant eras of football ever.

Man I love this sport, the people that play it, and the fans that enjoy it. Nothing else like it. Congratulations Philadelphia, I look forward to the speeches and celebrations that will happen in the coming days. I mean who doesn’t love a parade! In the words of Chase Utley “World Fucking Champs”, and to all the haters out there, remember what my man Jay Ajayi said “Fuck Em”
Go Birds

[Sam Fortier @Sam4TR]

Eagles legend Fletcher Cox called over Commanders TE Zach Ertz after the season-ending loss:

[Ian B @IanButterwort14]

@GunloverClub1 Fun fact: A short burst of these 30mm is actually the only known cure for pedophilia.

[Phillies Nation @PhilliesNation]

Here’s the video the Phillies played at Citizens Bank Park honoring Rhys Hoskins before the second inning.

[BaseballHistoryNut @nut_history]

Max Scherzer became a fan for life. Well done Max

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

My Twitter feed is now people arguing about which senile old codger is better equipped to handle the current situation in the Middle East

The answer is neither. The answer is a virile man in his 40s who is not registered to vote and can’t open doors

The answer is is me

[Life of a Philly Fan @PhillyFanLife]

Bryce Harper hits three home runs and the Phillies win

Joel Embiid comes back and the Sixers have a dramatic comeback win

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

If we’re going to elect a 70+ year old as president, it should be Nick Saban, not either of the addled clowns running

[Luke Arcaini @ArcainiLuke]

Never forget when Fletcher Cox ended up in the Phillies locker room to celebrate.

Philly legend.

[Crossing Broad @CrossingBroad]

Never forget when Fletcher Cox trash talked George Bush for being a Cowboys fan😂