Ian Squintz

sleepy

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

@sophieraiin $IanBeckroege

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

Trying to sweat so I can lose weight so I’ve been pooping with a beanie on

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

It took 200 dollars to fill up my monster truck! How else am I supposed to drop my kids off at school and go to Ruby Tuesday???

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

You know times are tough when you need a softball team of roommates to get by.

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I’d pull myself up by my own bootstrap but I’m wearing sketchers

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

We just experienced one of the biggest recorded tornadoes in US history. Tornados usually happen in spring. For this to happen in the winter is crazy. Could you imagine how much worse it would’ve been if climate change was real?

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

Applebee’s has Cheeto wings now. I guess they’re finally listening to the stoners who work in the kitchen

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I’d be cautious getting the vaccine. Ever since I got mine windmills make me horny. Looks like 3 open legs up there. The liberals won’t tell you that will they!

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I got so many check engine lights I could decorate a Christmas tree

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

My car is worth 1500 dollars and my insurance costs 250 a month in case I get into a crash. So in a year I pay twice the amount to insure it. I’d rather just crash two separate cars a year.

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I dropped my phone in the pool and put it in a cheesy bean and rice burrito

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I just looked up “how long does it take pizza to cool off”

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

Some people say abortion is murder. But with the number of school shooters, low wages and cost of living shouldn’t it be self defense?

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

The computer asked me if I was a robot. But I honestly have no clue what’s under my skin so I put not sure

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I’ll take my cat to the hospital before I would ever go myself. Honestly if I got really sick I would go with the cheaper option and just put me down.

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

You miss 100 percent of the shots you take if your a stormtrooper

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

Early bird gets the Taco Bell breakfast quesadilla.

[Ricky Glore @RickyGlore]

WE'RE ONLY $1,006 AWAY FROM OUR GOAL!

REMEMBER the only way to guarantee that you will see ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD by October 2022 is by selecting the Blu-ray perk

Here's a sneak peek of the film featuring @IanSquintz

#horrormovies #horrorcommunity #horrorfan #indiehorror

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

Schools in texas are kinda similar to teenage dramas. They both have 30 year olds in high school

[Ian Squintz @IanSquintz]

I took my girlfriend to the Renaissance fair. I was impressed by the authenticity and attention to detail. She read a sign out loud and they burned her at the stake for being able to read.