IGnominious

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@SteveRoach74662 @CuriosityonX Because magic! You buffoon!

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole Happened to me flying into Athens on my honeymoon. If my marriage had ended in a bloody mangled crash that day, it would've been no worse than my actual divorce 20 years later.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole Since 1979 the same tin of Ambrosia Creamed Rice has lived in the kitchen cupboard of every place I've ever lived. It was in a food parcel my mother gave me in my first year at university.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fopminui @PicturesFoIder To win without peril is to triumph without honour.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@ShelleyBWoke Tank Girl

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole Schrödinger's mouse! Are you sure it's dead? Have you looked?

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I was having an affair. Got caught by husband when my phone paired to my car. He was sitting in it listening to us. Warning to all lol.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@anon_opin Internships

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole Same - the surgery called me in because my BMI was off the charts. They had me down as 1.7cm (not 1.7m) tall.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@krishgm @bbcstrictly

[forest fr1ends @forest_fr1ends]

- but there’s a whole new roll behind you??
- i’m well aware of that sandra, just hand me the newspaper please…

[Jon Sopel @jonsopel]

What a killer last sentence….

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@cocteautriplets Add some 'roo bars front and back and you're there!

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@vincent_paver @fesshole Or was it vicariously?

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@stephsecretwit DJ Slipping as I step over the lip of the bath and cracking my balls.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole Funny, he said the same about your BJs.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@fesshole While working in Luxembourg I found a (non-helium) balloon in the street. The return card was in child's handwriting. Posted it back to her from my home address in London.

[IGnominious @Ian_K_Gay]

@UberFacts Zzzzzzz