.

only fools are satisfied

[Dalton Pruitt @daltonleepruitt]

During jacking off: I am having so much fun jacking off and it’s gonna feel so good when I bust

After jacking off: I may never find love

[blue @bluewmist]

“i’m 27 years old, i’ve no money and no prospects. i’m already a burden to my parents, and i’m frightened” is as relevant today as when jane austen wrote it in 1813

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

Sharks, I present to you the first every pair of gray sweatpants designed for growers by growers

[soggy broccoli @soggybrocoli]

just went to someone else’s circus and my fucking monkeys were there

[Opera GX @operagxofficial]

The 4 Horsemen of Free Updates

[Agita Christie @pagan_hoetry]

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

Yeah I know brushing your teeth at night is like a 2 minute low effort chore with enormous payoff but in a much more significant way it’s like being killed with 100 hammers

[Mr. Gingles @GinglesMr]

what a magnificent creature... one wonders if it could be bred for war...

[via @atrophicbtrfly]

the lion doesn't concern himself with credit card debt

[sealnus @sonicthehehhog]

Just got asked a question at work how about you go fuck yourself buddy I’m literally scrolling on my phone

[✨ evie ✨ @sillymoder_]

white people LOVE to say "ooooh that's dangerous" after the first sip of a drink where you can barely taste the alcohol in it

[⟢ ⟣ @vamptact]

😭

[teddy @luncheoninfur]

zookeeper roommate texts asking if it’s ok for her to bring the massive seal by the apartment for a few hours. he smells like fish and is a slob so i say try to say no big seal but my phone autocorrects to no big deal. don’t notice until it’s too late. the fucking seal is coming.

[Anthony Carboni @acarboni]

Reminder: a lot of kids are going online with their first game consoles today!
…
Crush them. Absolutely annihilate them. Feed those idiot children to your ratios. Use their dumb, fumbling hands to build your throne. Make them wish Christmas never came.

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

This list got me HOLLERING

[XBOX ANZ @XBOXANZ]

Calling all loyal servants of the Emperor!

To celebrate #SpaceMarine2, Xbox ANZ & @FiveStarGamesOz are giving away a relic from the Chapter vaults: this INSANE custom Xbox Series X by @VaduAmka!

To enter, follow @XboxANZ and reshare this post!

T&C's: https://t.co/KdnEO4jfIu

[☔ @Whotfismick]

me looking at my girl after she elbow my head in her sleep