Iconoclassclown

Not the Pied Piper, but still worth following. Check out my novel: Trekkinbad @ZootMcNutt @TBseason1 @trekkinprequel and all original McNuttales @ZootJMcNutt!

[Iconoclassclown @Iconoclassclown]

I dig #DonaldBarthelme, ya dig?

[TrekkinBad @zootMcNutt]

New? Shran is telling the story of his Old West Holodeck adventure aboard his uncle's ship with "Kirok's Bastards".

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"Not WHAT?" I asked.

"Not their fuckin' organs."

My stomach lurched.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

Then Kevin's face looked pained, like he'd suddenly gotten a migraine.

"Of course I just assumed when we robbed people, we were gonna take their money...not..." he trailed off. His face now wore an expression of disgust.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"I should'a asked more questions about his plan," Kevin said. "Something about the way he grinned snd stroked his hook when he told me was creepy. " His face soured. "But greed's a powerful thing kid. It pulls you along like a dinghy in a current, or in this case, an undertow."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament
@ZootJMcNutt
·
4h
" 'The money's not gonna come from the shows, not exactly. It's gonna come from the audience. While we're playing and they're singing along all distracted, making sign letters in the air, we're gonna single out a few to rob."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"But I can't figure out how being in a cover band is gonna' make us any dough, at least not the kind I wanted to make. So CP says 'well here's the thing.' Then he taps the tip of that fuckin' hook of his against his front teeth, a habit that annoyed me."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

Anyway, getting back to Kevin's story about the Village Idiots.

"I decided I'd oblige CP--that's what I called him," Jimmy said. "I wasn't going say Captain Prosthesis over and over, it was too long a word and too full-of -shit sounding."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

That reminds of something my uncle always said about our glorious television programming: "You can't con a con, but you sure can con a cancon." As puns go, it was weak, but I loved it's bitter sentiment...but I digress.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

I admit, #AlWaxman was an obscure reference to a long deceased #Canadian icon, but, like me, Kevin Murphy had been built in #Canada, and his programming contained its mandatory percentage of (the dreaded) #cancon.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"That's impossible," I said "Canadians don't have accents. Except maybe people from the Maritimes and out west."

"Is that so?" He laughed. "Not Toronto?" He then burst into an uncanny impersonation of #AlWaxman.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

On the subject of accents, Kevin Murphy one told me "Don't kid ya'self, you got one too kid."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"Then he says I'm gonna be the Indian guy and I think you should be the Cowboy. Me? I says, A cowboy? Why me? Call it a hunch darling,
he says, I think it'll make you a star."

When he said star, it came out like 'staahhh'. That fuckin' Boston accent grated on my Canadian ears.

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"I asked him if he could play an instrument, cuz I had 0 musical ability--unless you consider crackin' a guy's skull a form of percussion, and he says he can't play anything either-- except maybe the skin flute--but don't worry I heard none of them could play anything either."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"Hey Jimmy," he says. You ever heard'a that old group #TheVillagePeople?"

"Yeah " I says. "They had that hit with all the letters in it. What about'em.

"Well," he says. "I'm thinking of putting a tribute band together based on'em called The Village Idiots."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"One day he comes to me--he was always coming up with half-baked ideas--and he says 'hey Jimmy', he called me Jimmy Canuck because he knew I liked it. He was a real fuckin' con."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"So, what exactly did this guy do to you that makes you wanna have me kill him?"

"Well," Kevin said. "It all started back in Boston. We were roommates. Friends, or so I thought. Every evening he'd cook for me by removing his hook and attaching a frying pan to his stump."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

Also," Kevin continued "for the right price he'd take it up the Hershey Highway or do a guy with his hook."

"Jesus," I said. I frowned and shook my head.

"It takes all kinds of folks to make the world turn kid. Remember that."

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

...Captain Prosthesis, if you can believe it. He was real flamboyant-like. Imagine a Civil War Era #FreddieMercury with a metal hook for a hand. On account of his sour fucking personality, behind his back we all called him the Unhappy Hooker."

#DustinHoffman #PeterPan

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"Well," Norm said. He rubbed his hand on his chin and squinted. He was looking at me, but his gaze was directed inwards. "There was this one guy I ran with in Boston who fucked me over big time. A real fuckin' rat. He went by the name...

[Bacon Boy's Blues: A Robot's Lament @ZootJMcNutt]

"Yep," I said.

"Ahhh. OK pawk rind," Kevin Murphy said "I see where you're goin'. I take out Norm Macleod, and you take out..."

"You tell me," I said.