Garrett

I like celebrities. I like everything about them.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Homeland. Blood Meridian. Gin Rummy. ♫ Emma Frost by Garrett Presser http://t.co/kat1euHft9 #NowPlaying

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Tennis. Tommyknockers. The West Wing. ♫ Autumn Reeser by Garrett Presser http://t.co/KkmPZUbwca #NowPlaying

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Eating a bag of Cheetos before your appointment is a fun way to say, "Yeah, fuck you too" to your dentist.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

The 1:26 of Frank Ocean on the new John Mayer album made the whole thing worth it.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Somebody on AM radio just asked their guest if dolphins hold grudges.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

"Is he going to get bigger?" is always a fun question to ask the parent of a newborn.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Swimming. Bocce. The Wire. ♫ Summer Roberts http://t.co/gDwmqjsooj #NowPlaying

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

The next time somebody is going on and on about Breaking Bad, tell them to shut up and watch The Wire.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

"Life begins where your comfort zone ends." -Someone sitting home making memes

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

A fifty dollar bill is the drug dealer's version of a gift card.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

[Stevie Wonders @StevieMayWonder]

Is Mike Rice really that bad of a guy? (I didn't see the video.)

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

Hey all of you in television advertising, I'm looking at my phone.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

If Kanye West is anything like John Mayer, within the next six months he'll release a godawful country album.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

An Instagram "Bio" that actually tells me something about you is a red flag. Quote Kanye West like the rest of us.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

If I know that someone is driving, and I text them anyway, does that make me an enabler?

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

“All life is just a progression towards, and then a recession from, one phrase- ‘I love you.’” -Scott Fitzgerald, The Offshore Pirate

[Stevie Wonders @StevieMayWonder]

When are we gonna get some new Instagram filters? (I'm so sick of Valencia.)

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

You should have to pass a breathalyzer before being allowed to use Amazon's "Buy It With One Click" option.

[Garrett @Idroppedmyname]

No, I don't want to talk about my fucking astrological sign.