MLB Commish

If I were MLB Commissioner, things would rule.

(I'm obviously not Rob Manfred.)

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

No last call for alcohol in the playoffs.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

What's so wrong about banging trashcans? It's 2020, you should be able to bang whoever - and whatever - you like! Consensually, of course.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

You only get six mound visits, but if you have any left over at the end of the game you can exchange them for cash and fabulous prizes.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

If you try to go out for a seventh mound visit, Cowboy Joe West will wrangle you with a lasso and wrastle ya like a piggy.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Good take, Nathaniel https://t.co/Izux61IM1K

[Nate Silver @NateSilver538]

Baseball should require the World Series champion to incorporate gold into their uniforms for all 162 games the following season. The designs should also be required to get progressively more ostentatious if a team wins back-to-back (etc.) championships. https://t.co/PtDtzRNPGD

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Scouting report: Ben Carson is just Harold Reynolds rolling on Lunesta.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Why is there no debate show on @MLBNetwork called "Pitchers' and Catchers' Retort?" Missed opportunity!

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Automatic IBB just means both leagues get the Designated Quitter.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

And the World Series championship goes to the Columbus Blue Jackets!

Wait, that can't be right...

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Why only Florida and Arizona for spring training? Worst 15 teams from previous season get sunshine. Best 15 teams play in Alaska. #parity

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Beginning with a runner on second in extra innings isn't enough. 13 fielders! No umpires! Softballs instead of baseballs! #anarchy

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Cue from the @NFL: Henceforth, the World Series shall be known to advertisers as the "Big Games." We've got a trademark to defend!

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Breaking: @realDonaldTrump nominates @aubrey_huff for Secretary of Labor. #alternativefacts

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

All @baseballhall voters will not only be limited to 10 picks, but at least 1 must be for Fred McGriff. Just 7 more HRs & he'd be a shoo in.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

If @realDonaldTrump can do it, @RaysBaseball can too. Here's to the 20th sellout season in a row! These crowds, the best crowds. Nice! #MBGA

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Funny you should ask, @thatbbshow. Hates the luxury tax. Loves the human element of calls at the plate. Either urine or you're out.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

Folks, @thatbbshow is a fine program. I listen while sipping pinot & poring over the CBA I neglected to read a few weeks ago. #hotstove

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

No more ball girls. Now, projectile women.

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

@hankvanhawkins (You realize I'm not Rob Manfred, right?)

[MLB Commish @IfIWereCommish]

.@hankvanhawkins You're right! We need to let them call balls and strikes from grandstands hundreds of yards away, just like the rest of us.