LittleMama

Mama of 3 kids who poop, prolifically and creatively. Wife of Superman. Child of God. Writer of funny things, mostly so as not to cry about them. Like poop.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Cleaning house? Nah. At this point I'm just trying to minimize household fatalities.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

@theoregonnanny That sounds fun! At least if you pack light enough.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

My daughter just described dinnertime as "A bad, bad guy standing on the table with a spear, and darkness all around."

Sounds accurate to me.

[Unbalanced Momma @UnbalancedMomma]

Me to 3yo: Do you want eggs?
3yo: No.
Me: You sure?
3yo: I DON'T WANT ANY!
Me: Ok.
*Makes eggs and sits down*
3yo: I want some.
Me: I JUST asked you if you wanted any and you said no.
3yo: I want some!
*Makes 3yo eggs*
3yo: I dont want this.

This. This is why moms are crazy.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

I accidentally forgot we need dinner tonight.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

I bestow on thee and thy household the eternal curse of Leftovers Nobody Likes.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Kind of ashamed of how much I use emojis for someone who thinks of herself as a "real writer."

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

The promise of chocolate pudding awaits, just on the other side of this recipe.

I may yet survive this day.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Fed up with being a parent today, but I still put a sandwich on the table for my 4yo.

4yo: Where is the plate?

YOU'RE ASKING A LOT OF ME, KID.

[Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad]

Me trying to ask someone for a favor: Hey could you help me with this thing? Absolutely no pressure though. Totally ok if you can’t. If you’d rather run me over with a car that’s cool. Are you mad at me?

[Anecdotal Birthcontrol @AnecdtlBrthCtrl]

Not sure I spelled this word correctly, or if I have spelled it wrong so many times that autocorrect has accepted it as a deep character flaw and given up on trying to change me.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

I think most of you are more responsible than you let on, because nobody's ever on twitter when I'm supposed to be making dinner.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

@PeachyParenting That, too. My husband claims we should throw away broken books. I say they are "practice books."

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

It's a good thing that, as a former library employee, I've taught my kids proper respect for books, like DRAWING IN THEM AND THROWING THEM OUT THE WINDOW.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Even with three small children, my life still has balance. For example, I enjoyed a hot shower without interruptions this morning, and then came out to find a naked, poopy toddler.

Balance.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Ah, coughing and dripping. Excellent. Let the month-long family quarantine begin.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Pulled a muscle reading your tweet about pulling a muscle.

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

Do you offer any discounts, like maybe for cute children, or garlic lovers, or people who use apostrophes correctly?

[LittleMama @IfYourKidsPoop]

My spice cupboard is half organized alphabetically, half by flavor. Also some by size and shape. Get with the program and put the spices back where they belong, would ya?