Illuminati Intern

Working in my first year at a secret conspiracy, currently watching you in between coffee runs. PARODY ACCOUNT

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Bill is right about something for a change.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Alright you tiktok Fuckers. What's it gonna take for you to make A Town called Malice by the Jam inexplicably chart?

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Today is the five year anniversary of the night The Great Tarantula heroically stopped the Mothman's rampage of bridge collapses.

Granted she didn't know anything about the bridges and was only trying to catch a midnight snack but still.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

One of the perks of being in the Illuminati is that your rent is due on the day of your first paycheck of the month.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

@Hbomberguy Pounds? How much is that in Euros?

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Alright, we're shutting off the weather control device for summer.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

She did. Get someone to edit Wikipedia accordingly

[Quilliam @nyquills]

Inside of you there are two wolves

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I will revoke you're person that exists citizenship for basically no reason.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Deportation list: doesn't sound too bad does it?

Well we mean deported from existence.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

@llygad_y_nos Lurtz has come a long way and deserves this.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I watched a video where they talked about how you can't inject people with microchips and I just feel like this is my fault

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Oh my god Bill and Melinda are getting a divorce I'm so fucking sad I can't take it.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I stepped into accounting to see the department head slam a rail of coke, and demand that I tell him what an NFT is.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Hey guys I'm about to Blow Your Fucking Minds. After days of exensive research, fact checking, and field work, me and a team of interns with nothing better to do discovered, to our shock and horror, that Saturday Night Live is still on the air.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Except for this one.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

If you:
-Posted
-Liked
-shared
-or commented positively

On a "it's gonna be May" post, congratulations. You are on the deportation list.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I also have a Drinks at a dive bar and a walk through a park Blimp if that's more your speed.

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

Who wants a ride on my sex blimp?

[Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti]

wtf even are some of these???????

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I complain a lot about Brands on social Media but it could be worse. I dread the day that the primordial churning mayhem of @Arbys stops using its cultist puppets for brand awareness and just does it itself, instantly searing our brains and sending humanity into a new Dark Age

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I don't, but what's worse than Brand Twitter? Mascot Twitter.

Mascot Twitter is the tenth level ultra Internet Hell.

[Miles John @GabaghoulComics]

RT if you have more followers than the Noid

[Illuminati Intern @IlluminatiInte1]

I think you guys have been good. You can have your Bees back.