Dɑtɱɑƞ

I hatched from a Cadburys Creme Egg in the 1700s. Live in a travelling circus. My Native American name is He Who Runs With Scissors.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I've not gone round the bend, I'm just ahead of the curve.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

If someone tells you to go fuxk yourself, do you see it as an insult, or permission to go maturbate about them?

Asking for a friend...

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Telling my dog to be quiet when he's barking at something in the garden has the same effect as telling a woman to calm down in an argument.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Just me, or you find that one porn clip that looks like your sister in law and you be like fap fap fap

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I don't think SPAM callers appreciate the joy I feel when I press "decline call".

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Have you ever worked out how many minutes a day you spend online vs how many minutes you have left to live?

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I wonder if Asian/Indian people get scam phonecalls from English speaking people called Arjan, Rohan, Aarav, Kabir, Ishaan with Cockney accents who claim their computer has a virus? 🤔

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Controversial opinion...

Ozzy Osbourne was a crap vocalist and was just shot to fame by his band and the fact he made out he ate a bat.

Listen to Black Sabbath without his whining and the music still holds up.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

The way Hollywood's going, I'm surprised they haven't made Peter Parker's mom black or Mexican.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Don't tell me you've been poor until you've made 3 cups of black tea from one teabag.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

You don't realise a mispent youth will come in handy until you're cleaning up spilled washing-powder with a credit card.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

One of those people who remember their dreams. Wish I could just jump back into them. Even the scary ones are better than life.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I'm not gay, but I'll watch any movie with Justin Long in it.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I've probably posted this before, but I'm still amazed Bobby Brown outlived Whitney.

[Kaytalynn @Kaytalynnn]

I’ve outgrown the version of me that kept waiting for something to change.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

I hope when aliens invade Earth, they realise cats became useless when humans invented mousetraps.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

If movies have taught me anything, it's that a hysterical woman does not help a dramatic situation.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

It is not ‘hate’ to speak the truth.
It is not ‘hate’ to defend the rights of women and girls.
It is not ‘hate’ to be deeply worried about an unevidenced medical experiment on minors.
Rationality goes out of the window when you pretend men can be women.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

As a single guy living alone, you always try to have a wank rag or tissues close by. Yet when the mood takes hold, there's never anything close by...

Or may it's just me...

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

If life has taught me anything, it's how to write strongly-worded emails to online sellers who fail to send me my goods.

[Dɑtɱɑƞ @Inconsteveable]

Why do gay guys have that inflexion when pronouncing 'S's'? Is it because your tongue is sore from all the teabagging?
Everyone can see you're gay. Never see heterosexual men walking around pronouncing their sexuality...?