Innocent Dad

I am so innocent that sometimes I doubt my innocency *parody*

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

My dad used to tell me that the ice cream truck would only play music when it was out of ice cream.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Never make a decision when you're angry and never make a promise when you're happy.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Sleep is for people with no internet connection

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

It's funny how people tell me when I'm loud to be quiet. But when I'm quiet, people ask me what's wrong.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

hey girls check out my mast tweet.....

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Things a Girl Should Never Send a Guy via Text - https://t.co/lZ5cnxDPoH

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Tips For A Flat Stomach - https://t.co/vHN8jINGFV

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Changing a whole text because you didn’t know how to spell one word.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

No microwave, bad microwave... I want the FOOD heated, NOT just the plate.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Just because i don't care doesn't mean i don't understand

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Don't make a girl fall for you if you have no intention of catching her. It hurts.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

That one person ruins your whole entire day.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say "Didn't you read my tweets?

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Dear Tomorrow, Don't be boring, be fun, be great to me.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

How does this teacher manage to call on me to answer every question that i DONT know!? .

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

If you're Talking behind my back that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

I'm not rejecting you, I'm protecting me

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

That awkward moment when you're left alone with someone you just met..

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

When you stretch, and your inner porn star moan accidentally comes out.

[Innocent Dad @InnocenttDad]

Avoiding eye contact with your teacher hoping you dont get called.