People always ask me, "If you're trans but you look like that, why are you single?" as if being attractive means you automatically get a fairytale relationship handed to you.
The truth is a lot more complicated. When you're a trans woman who passes, yes, you can sleep with almost anyone. Men are curious, obsessed, and love to try. But sleeping with someone is not the same as them proudly dating you.
And here's the thing: I don't even mind the casual side. I enjoy that too. I like having fun, I like exploring, I like being desired, and I'm not ashamed of that.
But even though I love that freedom, it doesn't cancel out the fact that I also want a real relationship. One doesn't erase the other.
Because the reality is, too many guys only see me as a fantasy. They'll DM at 2am, they'll beg for attention privately, but would they ever hold my hand in public, call me their girlfriend in front of their friends, or bring me home to mom? That's the difference.
As trans girls we need to choose not to settle for crumbs. I could fill my phone with numbers, I could line up dates every night, but I'd rather wait for someone who's not just chasing the fantasy, someone who actually wants me.
So yes, I can sleep with whoever I want, and I enjoy that. But love and commitment is rarer. And until l find it, I'd rather be single than someone's secret.