The Dark Lord fired a warning shot across the 49ers’ bow this week, sending Ricky Pearsall back to the Gulag and making it clear Kyle Shanahan’s self sacrifice has been rejected.
You have to hand it to the Falcons.
Two years ago, they signed a 35 year old quarterback coming off a torn Achilles, so they drafted another QB in the first round.
A year later, they dumped the Achilles guy and signed a different former 1st round QB.
Now, in 2026, they have one QB who’s a hit away from recording an album with Antonio Brown and another who no longer has knees.
Of the injuries Kyle Shanahan suffered in the crash, doctors say “Zendaya and Tom Holland fatigue” poses the greatest threat to his ability to coach this season.
“I don’t want to throw Drake under the bus. Buses are slow. I threw Jalen under several buses, but he kept getting away because the buses simply weren’t fast enough.
Drake is younger. Not necessarily faster, but craftier. I’m going to need a much faster vehicle if I plan on throwing guys under it here.
Sorry, I’m rambling. Happy to be here.”
Mack Hollins arrives at training camp barefoot, holding chinchillas. Says he breeds and eats only chinchillas now or some shit.
I don’t know. Fuck this guy.
Kyle Shanahan assured fans that his car accident was merely a sacrifice to “protect his players” from the Dark Lord, whose bloodlust he hopes has finally been satisfied enough to spare half the 49ers’ roster from IR this season.
The Cardinals and Jacoby Brissett have agreed to a reworked contract that gives Brissett more guaranteed money in exchange for playing quarterback badly enough to guarantee Arizona can draft someone that isn't Jacoby Brissett.
Tony Romo told reporters he’s as shocked as anyone that this is his first DUI.
“I’m 46 years old. I’ve been day drinking since I was 16. 30 years is a hell of a run.”
The Ravens insist they didn’t cut Diego Pavia solely because of how hilarious he looked once they saw him in full pads.
They did admit it was a factor.
Vikings kicker Will Reichard has reportedly been asked by HR to stop showering around rookies after several claimed it was creating a "hostile work environment."
Harry Kane says he has "zero regrets" about England taking Viagra to prepare for Mexico City's altitude, adding that the 4 hour flight to Miami afterward "created a squad chemistry we'll never tell our wives about."