Sam Searcy

"Always be kind to the vulnerable, and fierce when others aren't." - Paula Pell

[Sam Searcy @InsincerelySam]

I’m on Bluesky now because Elon Musk makes me want to throw up all over my legs and also he looks damp. https://t.co/aa2FNXsKLg

[meej (they/them) @Meeejie]

‘you live in a progressive area, you’ll be fine’ it’s not just about me, it was NEVER just about me. it should never just be about you.

[Dew 🏳️‍⚧️ @DewEnjoyer]

Obsessed with this one baby hippo that looks fucking MORTIFIED

[spaghetti @QUEENSPAGHETT1]

saying “with all due respect” is so funny to me because you never clarify what level of respect the person is due. like get wrecked buddy you’re due 0 respect

[Sam Searcy @InsincerelySam]

We should really be able to buy just one shoe.

[erica @ericanextdooor]

oh you like nyc? name every rat

[trash jones @jzux]

i can relate to cicadas because I also spent like 13 years laying low and then went fucking nuts on everybody

[trash jones @jzux]

hey sorry about the other day. that was my personality

[Sam Searcy @InsincerelySam]

I sent this to my sleeping husband so that when he wakes up he’ll know what to expect as far as my mental state is concerned.

[eli yudin @eliyudin]

Temu feels like raccoons selling things they found and they don’t really understand what they’re called or how much they should cost

[trash jones @jzux]

i love airplanes because every few years they introduce a new, worse ticket option. like why am i booking Loser Economy where you board 5 minutes after the plane leaves and your seat is the floor

[trash jones @jzux]

coworker: hey circling back on that thing we talked about in december

me: stop living in the past

[kenzi @kenzianidiot]

i will not be setting a resolution this year. i will remain terrible. maybe ill be worse even.

[Albertina Rizzo @albz]

Paying to be on this app would be like paying admission to be locked in a public toilet

[bailey moon a deux @baileymoon96]

our father, who art in heaven, baja be thy blast

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

At a weed store you can say, “I want something to help me sleep that won’t make me wonder if my back door is unlocked,” and they will take you seriously, think hard about it, and then say something like, “Have you tried Ooga Booga Skywalker Cake?”

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

WITCH MADE OF SMOKE: You can be the richest man in the world but you have to humiliate yourself every single d—-

ELON: DONE!