Katie Kearney

My mom told me if I have nothing nice to say, I should tweet about it.
I always take the road less traveled because I hate people.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Maybe silver alerts are just the elderly’s way of wandering off to die.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Watching a show based in Michigan and nobody has a top row of teeth. Is that the norm up there? I may have found Florida's sister city.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

But I thought tariffs didn't effect consumer prices? 🙄

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

The call is coming from inside the house.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

I love watching movies from 20 years ago when people had normal looking faces and normal colored teeth.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Not all heroes wear capes. Some are at the gym to let you know your pants have split open and your whole ass is hanging out while you're on the elliptical.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Hot take - Kevin Durant looks like Jamie Fox in Django and Jovic looks like Gronk if he started a meth habit. #CourtofGold

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

The one bad thing about the documentary is that you'll have a Nickelback song stuck in your head for 3 days.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Black men are incarcerated at a 5% rate more than white men. What do you have to say to that?
Old white men: Well, tell em to cut it out!

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

How can you abort a baby after it's born?

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Beans Beans Beans. "Heard, Chef Travis Scott." Gross.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

I did it. He knows the words to Outkast. My parenting is complete.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Plot twist: Taylor Swift reportedly dating Travis mother, Donna.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Went to go pick up a generator just to find out my order was canceled and they are fresh out (just sold the last one.) Crazy how that place may catch fire tonight...

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

It's wild how you can look at a kid and immediately know they're going to grow up and be a hot bag of trash one day.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

@SenatorGiggity I can tell you I borrowed 20k. I owe 70k. Because of interest.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Anybody else's kid make them toast with jelly and cheese on it or just my special asshole? Happy Mothers day everyone.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Well, that's one way to fix your side mirror.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

I fell down running last night. I now understand how dumb white girls die in horror movies.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Special thanks to the mom who let her kid bring his recorder inside the store.

[Katie Kearney @IrishKearBomb]

Amanda Bynes should move to Key West. Those women are crazy and freely walk around naked.