Retarded Mom

Am I really that Retarded?

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

Daughter's Boyfriend: “I named my dog after you” My Daughter: ‘Aww because it’s cute.’ Daughter's Boyfriend: “No, because it’s a bitch.”

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My daughter's bf is very kind. When i yelled at him for taking my daughter's virginity, he apologized, saying "It won't happen again."

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My daughter said, Once you go black, you never go back. But there are lots of beautiful colorful dresses, also!

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

I overheard my daughter's bf telling her he wants to "hit that". I should talk to her about domestic violence.

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My husband is too generous. He wants to give pearl necklaces to all the ladies in his office!

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My son gave me some veggies to add to the brownies. They were green and sticky, and very strong smelling. I'm glad he likes his vegetables

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

Whenever my daughter's bf sleeps over, i hear her moaning all night. She must be having nightmares! :(

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My son and his gf are so considerate. I found them in the backseat of my car at 2am last night cleaning my car. The leather looks so shiny

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

@naughtyjedi Naughty boy. Are you any good with your light saber? is the force strong within you?

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

Kristen Cavallari is showing a baby bump! Check out these photos. #6 is my favorite http://t.co/tOTI7ZDZ - sp

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My son's black friend asked if my husband was getting the job done in the bedroom. How did he know we were repainting it?

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

I wonder if that bitch, ever moved out of Ludacris's way?

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

I'm worried about my daughter. She often goes to her new boyfriend's house to watch him spank his monkey. Animal cruelty is not good!

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My son is suddenly into mexican food. He is always going to his girlfriend's to have some pink tacos.

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My son's friends must need some water. They're always licking their lips when I walk into the room.

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My husband is going to be home late tonight. He works in construction and said he had to drop off a load at his secretary's place.

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

My stepson is so nice. He's always waiting with a towel when i get out of the shower!

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

I thought I caught my son masturbating! Then he explained he was doing his Human Sexuality homework for school! Whew!

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

I'm so happy for my son, he finally got a girlfriend! Her name is Mary Jane and he says that she lights up his world.

[Retarded Mom @IsRetardedMom]

Oh jeez, these kids. I need a drink! Support me with an occasional click, please. http://t.co/gxEH8RWw