ashley emberson

6'4, 260lbs, but contrary to popular belief, an average penis, sorry. X

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Oh fuck off Kanye West

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Why is there a show called “When Animals Attack”? It should be called
“When Stupid People Go Near Wild Animals.”

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Tonight at 10pm on TLC...
@JodieMarsh on drugs. Not literally.
Sky channel 125 ☺

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

On a serious note, @JeremyClarkson @MrJamesMay and @RichardHammond have the best chemistry on British tv.
Genuinely gutted.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Just saw two men on mobile phones crash their BMWs into each other proving that sometimes 2 wrongs do make a right.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

My omlette always starts out great, then I have to turn it into scrambled eggs!

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Can't find her hair bands, but knows what you said wrong 8 month's ago at 5:30pm on a Sunday.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Relationship status:
The Dog won't sit still for our selfies!

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

@DeanSlator hello mate, try @BrentwoodBT it's my pals company he'll look after you x

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

So we're agreed, the Internet was a huge mistake?! Because I don't want to see a dress on every social site either!

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

@SkyNews science still beating religion I see.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

@Charlie_Cannon1 you knew didn't you....

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

It isn't possible to get a piece of hair out of your mouth without looking like an idiot.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

@MonkeyIan Goat squaaaddddddd

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

🐐

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

A Brazilian sounds like a really big number!

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

If you make something easier for yourself people call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else people call you a genius.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.

[ashley emberson @IsThisThingOn__]

Tip for court
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
J: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
J: You're Not Guilty?
Me: *moonwalks outta court