jacking off with a pussy is so weird sometimes i finish in under two minutes and other times i must hold my vibrator at a 63 degree angle and the wind must be blowing from the northeast and it has to be the second tuesday of the month but only when mercury is in retrograde
when i was in middle school my stupid white ass would watch those videos about japanese urban legends and then be too scared to sleep knowing damn well i live in new jersey and hachishakusama probably doesn’t have a passport
when i was 14 i peed my pants from laughing too hard and that’s like way too old to be peeing your pants and i was with a group of people so i panicked and jumped fully-clothed into a creek to hide it and my bestfriend jumped in with me in solidarity and we had to
(Introducing my wife to Japanese business men I am making a deal with)
This is my woman mate. You will notice she is larger than I am in both height and weight. This is because I am a pervert.
(The business men nod vigorously with approval)