The most brutal thing to understand about life is that you don't get what you want, you get what you believe you deserve.
You can do everything right. You can get the opportunity, the money, the relationship, the dream handed to you on a plate. But if underneath it all you still don't believe you deserve good things, your mind treats the good life as a mistake that needs correcting. To your brain, a gap between reality and what you feel you deserve isn't success, it's an error, and your subconscious works to close that gap by pulling reality back down to match.
This is why people self-sabotage right when things start going well. The good relationship shows up and they pick fights or push the person away. The money comes in and somehow leaks back out within a year. It doesn't look like sabotage in the moment, it feels like bad luck or things just not working out. But it's too consistent to be bad luck. It's the feeling of not deserving it, dragging them back to what they think they're worth.
And this happens even when life completely changes on its own. Lottery winners go broke. People lose the weight and gain it back. People escape a toxic relationship and end up with someone just like the one they left. Everything around them changed, but the feeling of what they were worth stayed the same, so they ended up right back where it started.
Most people think affirmations are how you reprogram your mind, that saying "I am confident" over and over will make it true. It usually doesn't. To understand why, and what works instead, you have to look at Milton Erickson, a psychiatrist and hypnotherapist widely considered the most influential figure in modern hypnosis.
Erickson noticed that the conscious mind resists being told what to do. And that's exactly what an affirmation is, a direct command. When you say "I am confident" to someone who feels small, it's like talking to a wall, because the critical mind fights back instantly with "no I'm not." You're commanding it, and it pushes against the command. This is why affirmations and "just think positive" more often than not do little or nothing at all.
So Erickson came up with a different solution. Instead of commanding the mind, he slipped past it, using stories and metaphors.
Instead of telling a patient "let go of the past," he'd tell a long, winding story about a man carrying a heavy bag for miles, not realizing he was allowed to set it down, or a river that only found its path once it stopped fighting the rocks. On the surface it sounded like he was just telling a tale. The conscious mind followed along, entertained, a little bored, completely off guard, while the real message went straight to the subconscious underneath. You can't argue with a story the way you argue with a command. This is why documentaries and films change people more deeply than lectures ever do.
He went further with the way he spoke. He spoke in a vague, open way on purpose, never being too specific, "you might begin to notice a certain change," "in your own way, at your own pace," "sooner or later you'll find yourself feeling differently." That vagueness forces your own mind to fill in the blanks with its own meaning, and a suggestion you completed yourself feels like your own idea, so you don't resist it. He let the listener do the work.
So if affirmations never worked for you, this is why. You can't always force your mind to believe something just by repeating it.
shyness is a manifestation of psychological wounds that stem from childhood experiences & generational patterns. if you don't heal these wounds, you'll be shy for life. it's mainly the self expression wound, the shame wound and the belonging wound.
Phrasing a handshake, an entirely normal and platonic gesture, as "access to women's bodies" indicates that you consider physical touch between the two genders to be inherently sexual. Which is indeed an anti-modern sentiment.
It’s time to talk about my experience with Masobe Books. I joined their "exclusive influencer community" back in May 2025 expecting a genuine partnership. Instead, it has been a draining cycle of entitlement, and blatant exploitation of free labor. A thread. 👇🏾
I think there is a culture of anyhowness at play in this publishing house.
Early last year, I was part of the “Black in Publishing” internship and I got assigned as an intern to Masobe.
I had to complain to the program coordinator because while interns assigned to other publishing houses would share about the different experiences they were having and amazing projects across departments they were working on during check-in meetings, I and the other person assigned to Masobe had nothing to show for it beyond being made to individually go through over 300 submitted manuscripts and recommend which ones Masobe should pick.
Mind you, we were not given any selection metrics. We were just sent a template of the report another person had done (which didn’t even have up to 50 manuscripts on it) and told to use it to create our individual reports.
When I asked if my co-intern and I could split the work so we can give each manuscript the care and attention they deserve, the lady in charge of us said no and insisted that we do all over 300 individually and submitted a report.
I had to make lemonade out of lemons by convincing my brain that the experience was training me to have a better eye as an editor and that I can transfer the skills to my work as Editor-in-Chief of Luminary Lines Magazine.
At the end of the internship, in my review of my experience, I mentioned that the organization handling this internship should no longer include Masobe or at least insist that Masobe actually commits to giving interns the all round experience that the internship is meant to provide for young black people in publishing.