It Actually Means

Literal meanings to everyday things.

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Cupcake (noun) - A muffin with low self-esteem.

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Annoying (adjective) - Not. Being. Able. To. Read. This. Without. Pausing.

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Just sayin' (phrase) - A phrase used to make the previous comment less offensive.

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I'm down for that (phrase) - I'm up for that.

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Supervisor (noun) - Someone who gets paid more than you to do less than you.

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Period (noun) - When a woman's body cries because it doesn't have a baby.

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Alcohol (noun) - The cause and solution to all of the world's problems.

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Algebra homework (noun) - An obstacle course for your stick figures.

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Boomerang (noun) - A Frisbee for people without friends.

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They have a great personality (phrase) - They're ugly.

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Friendship (noun) - Not having to rely on Facebook to remember a birthday.

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I slept like a baby (phrase) - I slept like a teenager.

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Hike (verb) - Walking where it is okay to pee.

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Accio (noun) - The magical equivalence to the Force.

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Irony (noun) - Your antidepressant medicine can increase suicidal thoughts.

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Flowers (noun) - Given to a girl in an attempt to make her forget what was done wrong.

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Alcohol (noun) - A drink that makes bad decisions look good.

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Shower (noun) - A place where I ponder life's philosophical questions, become a rock star, and day dream.

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Nutella (proper noun) - A spread that teenage girls convince themselves is healthy to feel less guilty about the great amount of it that th…

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As much as I'd like to stay and talk... (phrase) - I really don't want to talk to you and here's my fake excuse...