🌵Sampson 🖖🏽

you may be verified on Twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

Tell your friends about my TikTok https://t.co/EhFpblfAxg

[. @A_Geechi]

“John is arriving now in a Honda Accord” https://t.co/QJnd0YcaiL

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@_hate_myself__ I remember in elementary school when you brought kitty to school and it was the best day of my life. Happy birthday kitty 🎉🎈

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

How my mom changes the topic she’s bored with:
“I don’t know, but (Insert new subject here)!”

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

Conspiracy theory: Steve jobs never died, he’s in the cloud.

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

Neapolitan was such a fearless leader

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@snider_marissa Preach it sister 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@JordannTumbles Me too @mymom

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

Chipotle worker: “would you like white or brown rice?”

Customer: “yes”

Chipotle worker:

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@AdotLexus Arnt all moms a bunch of basket cases?

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@dewey_pooey Oh my god! Congratulations! 🎉🍾

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

So at what age do my kidneys become adultneys

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

@AdotLexus I’ve heard that’s the Vegas of Colorado.

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

After a long day of acting hard and you finally get to relax

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

GET THAT LAMB OUTTA HERE!

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

“Mystery weather we’re having in Sacramento! Citizens not prepared”

[🌵Sampson 🖖🏽 @ItAddsCharacter]

My dog will always be impressed with my magic. Like where did that ball go after I put my hand in my pocket? Who know?!